If your heart was a house, it'd be home
by WhereTheLinesOverlap
Summary: Set during New Moon, Bella is killed by Edward shortly after turning 18 and is now a vampire. Edward and Alice disappear off together to work with Aro while their plans are set in motion. Bella soon starts discovering her newfound powers and love. J/B :D
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hello fellow Fanfic'ers! For the sake of privacy call me Echo, I LOVE that name. So this is my first fanfic, I'm not going to be desperately ''OMFG GIVE ME REVIEWS! BE NICE!" ****I am going to be honest when I want you to tell me whether its crap or not, honesty is the only policy and really how will I get better if you tell me its awesome already. Criticism would be lovely I am open to suggestions for the story. I haven't planned everything yet so there is room for change, Im more a "go with the flow, write what I want" kind of person so yeah. **

**I will try and post regularly because I have finished my exams now so I'll basically be home alot and the Christmas holidays are coming up so lucky you's! I have no idea how long this story will go so I could post like 3 times a week! I'm not sure what to rate it because I probably will swear a few times, not sure whether there will be lemons, I'll just rate it M just in case. You never know, I could surprise you! Sorry for Edward fans but I have come to realisation how much I don't really like him, bit of a over-protective possessive stalker, so that's how I am going to portray him. Sorry again, I don't mean to offend.**

**From what I've read you need a disclaimer, as much as I wish I will NEVER own Twilight, except for the shirt my friends and I made (: Thank You Stephenie Meyer and all the suit people for letting me play in this world. **

**Here goes nothing, xo. **

**Chapter One**

**We got older, and should've known, that I'd feel colder and I'll walk alone. So I may as well ditch my dismay**

I stood there thinking "Why me?" but I couldn't come up with any answers, my brain was too busy focusing on everything else happening right then. Naturally, I stare at Edward expecting support. His face made my stomach drop, it was positively the worst I had ever felt. Even being beaten by James couldn't beat this. It wasn't love. It wasn't remorse. It was hunger.

My eyes widened in shock as Edward leapt at me. I always thought he was the one who would protect me, from what I had no clue, but it was all a lie. I held my arm protectively in front of my face taking a quick glance at my family. Jasper only mere steps from me, Esme with her arms outstretched in a half scream, Emmett lunging forward at Edward, Carlise rooted to the spot with surprise, Rosalie shockingly running towards me and Alice. Alice nearly surprised me as much as Edward she just stood there, with a smug look on her face. I crawled into the foetal position and waited for the collision, but was alarmed when I heard none.

I got up from the glass covered carpet and searched for my family. I looked at the room where only seconds before we all shared a blissful moment in pride and unconditional love. I was amazed at how different the room looked, no longer were there birthday streamers and the presents were scattered all over the room. I walked over to a card half covered in blood, presumably mine own. This was the card that had caused the pain, just one simple paper cut. I opened it up and read the dark block letters.

_"Dear Bella, we are so happy for you to have walked in our lives at the time when we both needed it the most. We hope this will help convince you that you truly belong. With all our love Carlise and Esme."_

I picked up the blue and gold square present that lay on the ground at my feet. I turned it delicately over in my porcelain hands feeling the smooth texture make soothing patterns on my shaking skin. I carefully opened the paper to expose a jewelery box with delicate carvings on the dark blue box. I slowly opened the rectangular box expecting something extremely expensive and uncharacteristically Bella. I was immediately breath taken when I looked down at the leather woven bracelet inside the golden cushion. I picked up the bracelet between my fingers and turned it over, to inspect the brooch like pendant woven into the leather. I soon realised that the pendant was decorated with the Cullen crest.

I chest heaved with the sudden overwhelm of love that had presented itself in this small bracelet. I slipped it over my shaking hand and dropped the box on the coffee table. I stepped over shards of glass and plaster to the sudden boom of voices that presented itself from the kitchen only two rooms away. I quietly sneaked to the thin wall separating me and my family. "That isn't the issue here Carlise!" yelled the familiar voice of Alice. I'd never heard Alice yelled before let alone at Carlise, her father. Just as I leaned in to listen closer I heard presumably Carlise slam his fist onto the table shattering it. "Yes Alice it is! We can't just leave a member of our family just because you say your "visions" say we should!"

By this point I had collapsed to the ground with fear. I knew deep down they were talking about me.

I had guessed by then that it was only Carlise, Alice and probably Edward in the room as there were three sets of feet pacing. One feather light,  
one slightly heavier, and one heavier than that. I heard Edward murmur something to Alice and her stamp her foot. "Dammit Edward, think rationally for once please! You've seen my visions just as clear as I have and you know it! One day, whenever it is, Bella will become a vampire and the Volturri will want her! She will be more powerful than all of us combined! So don't you chicken out now, you promised me the month before she moved her you would play it out!" I heard Carlise intake a large amount of breath as Alice yelled this.

"Alice, what is going on! What has this got to do with my daughter?!" Carlise said closely to the door. I could hear someone place a strong hand on the door and start to twist. I gasped and pressed myself against further to the wall, not sure whether or not I should be hearing this. "Carlise stop, let us explain. Please, we owe you that." Edward pleaded. The grip on the door soften as the final note of Edward plea drowned out. I heard them start to whisper too inaudible for my human ears to hear only hearing small glimpses like Jasper, blood, turned and often my own name.

My world seemed to collapse in those few minutes, just sitting there, listening as my future was planned out for me. After five minutes had passed Carlise had let go of the door and I stood up to hear better. "So, let me get this straight Alice. Jasper didnt attack Bella, Edward did?" Carlise mumbled. "Yes Carlise, for the thousandth time. With Bella a vampire we will be the strongest coven in existence. She will believe us. We will tell her she died from something as simple as Jasper supposedly not being able to restrain his thirst she'll accept it and stay with us.  
Believe me. Carlise I've seen it." Alice said with an impatient tone.

It was quiet for a good ten minutes before Carlise spoke again. "But, what about you's two? Bella will not get over that quickly, I mean Alice your her best friend!" Carlise exclaimed. Alice snorted at his remark. "Honestly Carlise you've known me what? A century? Do you believe that I would ever be friends with a human. I am certainly the worlds best actor. And as for the whole Bella/Edward thing that was all part of the act." Alice said with a smile in her voice. Edward then chose then to speak. "Carlise, remember what we said. We leave Bella with Jasper in Forks with a note from us saying that Jasper felt so bad about changing her that he decided to stay and help her transition into the world of the immortals. We come back in 50 years and we take her to our coven." Edward said matter of factly. They sounded awfully sure I would come willingly.

My insides were ripping up inside me, I couldn't figure out what was worse; the fact that they were leaving town, changing me without my permission or that Alice and Edward were together. I wanted to think it was the latter, but I couldn't think that selfishly. I wasn't the only one being hurt here, I wonder if Jasper knew. I always knew deep down that Edward and I wouldn't last. As much as I wanted to believe it I knew it wasn't true. We were just two different people, he was controlling and over-protective. And me? Just as he often reminded me, I was breakable and a tiny porcelain doll. I was independant, I didn't need to be protected 24/7.

I turned to leave and noticed Esme and the rest of the family staring at me with so much grief that I buckled under my own. It wasn't until then I realised a trail of tears streaming down my face into my lap. Almost as immediately as I touched the ground with my forehead I was swept up in cold reassuring arms. It wasn't the ones I had grown used to, it was either Jasper or Rosalie, of that I'm sure. I looked up through strangers eyes up to the golden beauty holding me in an understanding hug. I en haled deeply in her scent, Rosalie smelled of apricots and roses.  
Whereas Edward smelt of honeysuckle and elderberries, Rosalies' was something much more comforting. I leaned into her soft yet hard skin,  
and hugged her back.

"You smell of roses and apricots." I whispered into her shoulder. I felt her body shake with laughter. "Bella, were not leaving you. I know it seems weird that I am the one comforting you and not Esme but you don't need to be babied at the moment you need a friend who will tell you the truth, not what you want to hear. So please forgive, Alice told me everyday that I had to be mean to you, that one day we would be best friends and that now wasn't the time. But I have had it up to hear believing in her so-called visions. There is no way I am leaving my brother and my sister here without me to look after them." Rosalie said softly into my ear. That was probably the longest thing that she had ever said to me,  
let alone nicest thing.

"If Alice and Dumbward want to go off and root like rabbits and use you as their trophy, they will have to go through me first." Rosalie grinned. I chuckled into her embrace and lent in closer. "Did Jasper know?" I whispered hoping he wouldn't hear. "He has known for a while now, he always knew that he would never be with her forever. He never felt, what you humans call "chemistry". Its similar for vampires, we feel a pull. He has mentioned to me once that he has felt it recently but he still has some feelings for Alice left." Rosalie ended.

I looked up through clouded eyes at Rosalie seeing her pain reflected in her eyes from my own. I wanted nothing more right then to make her feel better and take all the misery away. ''I am so sorry Rosalie, I've ruined everything." I whispered. I got up dusting the broken plaster off my faded grey skinny jeans. In an instant she was standing up with me, arms around my shoulders. "Bella, do you remember what Jasper told you just a few months ago?" Rosalie asked barely above a whisper. I hadn't talked to Jasper all that much except for at the hotel in Phoenix before James attacked me. But I had a feeling it wasn't anything from there. I closed my wet eyes and thought harder. _"You are worth it." _And with those words flying through my ears like wind I crumpled into Rosalies' arms and sobbed.

I know that I should be grateful that I had such a loving family that actually was willing to protect me but somewhere deep inside me it was to hard to realise that I had lost what I thought was my world in just a few minutes. With those final thoughts I closed my eyes and drifted into a fearful slumber.

**Enjoy! :D**


	2. Chapter 2

**Wow, thats all I can say. I am so surprised so many people have favourited me as their favourite author, bookmarked the story etc. I honestly did not think I would get such an overwhelming response. Sorry it took a little bit longer than expected to update because of school, and work. But hopefully I'll get chapter 3 up soonish. But I may not because I have my prom on the 20th and work on the 22nd of I may take a little while to update sorry. I also would like to apologise for the grammatical mistakes in the last chapter, I did go through and change them but I don't think I saved it, so whoops. I am making my best friend my unofficial Beta as from this chapter onwards I was going to get her to proof this first but I really want to upload it first and she's taking forever to reply she's probably asleep haha its like 12am where she is so sorry. I also dedicate this whole story to. Thanks to her she introduced me to FF and for that I thank her. I also would like to thank her for being my friend and making my life so much greater. As Bella would put it you are "my own personal sun". Even though you moved away last year I still think of you everyday, you are the Rosalie to my Bella. You saved me, and for that I love you. xo.**

**As usual, I do not own the rights to the Twilight Saga just the books but thanks to the corporates that let me play in Stephenie Meyers' world.**

**I also do not own Three Days Graces' "Over and Over" and Owl City's If my heart was a house, which I have based the title on and the past chapters quote. Owl City is completely awesome, especially their new single 'Fireflies", I suggest you check them out ;)**

**Thanks again to all my readers, I love you SOO much! Every time my phone beeps that I have an email I always hope it's someone favouriting me, it makes my day. :D**

**Chapter Two**

**So many thoughts that I can't get out of my head  
I try to live without you, every time I do I feel dead  
I know what's best for me  
But I want you instead  
I'll keep on wasting all my time**

I never thought the afterlife would be easy. But I never thought it would be this hard either. Losing something that was meant to be your world was like losing a vital organ, without it I would surely die.

I never was one for dramatics, but seeing as this was my first real loss I guess one would say I was taking it rather bad. It wasn't like I'd been dumped though, I had lost my sister as well. I felt like I was losing my family. I had been lied to for months, believing that I was a part of something important, loved.

I didn't know if I was ever going to get over this, I'd lost my heart and kidney in one blow. My circulation stopped. My heart stopped. My will to live had stopped. I didn't want to be in a world where they were no longer a part of. And that's what I wanted, to no longer be a part of this, living.

I woke up through a strangers' eyes, and looked out into a strangers' room into a strangers' life. I threw back the sheets and walked robotically out of my too clean room. A normal 18 year old's room would be messy, unorganised and clattered. Mine was no longer like that, it was as if someone had cleaned it up and no one had entered it in years.

I walked down the kitchen not thinking of anything at all, my mind no longer thinking of useless things like what I would wear that day or how Alice would comment on how useless I was at picking out an outfit. It hurt, of course it did. But I needed to try and move on, or so Rose told me frequently. I had a feeling deep down inside of me that someone had told her to keep an eye on me, she never seems to leave my side anymore. I don't really mind, she's a refreshing change from constantly being monitored. I knew she noticed things but never pushed on it like Edward or Alice. I realised it was probably Esme who told her to look out for me. Sweet, caring Esme. If she knew some of the things I did it'd break her heart.

I tried every day to make my self appear fine for them, for Charlie. But never for me.

It has been a month since I discovered my real reason for joining the Cullen family. A month since I lost my heart. A month since I no longer wanted to live. A month since I found my realise in a small razor blade.

Esme, Rose, Emmett, Carlise and Jasper were still here but no one knew where Edward and Alice where. Carlise and Emmett had tried to locate their scent but they think they must have found a way to mask their scent from them. Carlise was furious with them, he had brought them up to always be honest with him. Carlise had felt betrayed and he felt he had failed.

Even though the rest of my family were still here making my endless days seem less fearful. I had grown particularly close to Rosalie over the last month. She even had to start staying with me until I fell asleep because I often had reoccurring nightmares. She also had to try and convince me to not tell Charlie what Edward and Alice had done as he would be furious with the Cullens and would most likely forbid me to visit them. As Rose had pointed out, I needed them and to be honest. They kinda needed me too.

To prevent me from accidently spilling anything to Charlie, Emmett had created a fake case down in Seattle so Charlie will be staying there for a while. So I had the whole house to myself. Yippee.

I hardly ate anymore, but when I did I would go on binges. This often worried me as I was starting to gain weight but everyone was insisting me it was giving me a "healthy glow" God knows I wasn't feeling healthy. My skin had taken on a ghastly grey tone no longer the pale alabaster I was used to.

I ate a plate of bacon, scrambled eggs and some crumpets wolfishly before going for a shower. I undressed down to my underwear and singlet gazing at my greying body in the mirror. My eyes drifted down to my inner thighs. I felt myself stiffen when I looked at the scars, bright red against pale grey. These were reminders everyday of what he did to me, left me with just my most inner depression. This was the only way I could find relief after the incident. No matter what my friends or family said or did nothing could take away the hurt, pain and misery. They couldn't make me stop loving him. That's all I wanted though. I wanted no longer to feel like this.

I guess that's what suicide means.

I often thought of just ending my life, but none of it compared to as how much I wanted to right then.

I looked over my body, just a shell in which a dead person lived inside. Not worthy enough to live. I took my hair out of my braid letting it flow down my back tickling my lower spine. I wouldn't dare to cut anywhere where my family could see it, it would destroy them, just like he destroyed me. I passed my hands over the risen sores on the inside of my legs and decided I couldn't deal with it anymore.

I walked over to the medicine cabinet and opened it slowly, peering inside at the various prescriptions. I took a few bottles and which I decided would most likely kill me. I unscrewed all the caps and took out three of all three. One for everyone I loved. One for Esme, one for Charlie, one for Carlise, one for Renee, one for Emmett, one for Rosalie, one for Jasper, one for Alice and lastly one for Edward.

I took the first three and swallowed, picked up the next three and downed them just a quickly. By now my eyesight had gotten hazy and I felt nausous. I leaned against the sink for support and grabbed the final three. I lifted the first to my lips, pressed it through my teeth and swallowed. I sank to the floor feeling violently ill.

I lifted up my head when I heard the front door slam open and fly out of it's hinges. I wondered who it was but took no real notice. I pressed the second last one to the back of my throat and gulped suddenly. I fell against the ground holding the final pill in my hand shaking violently. I was losing grip on reality when I heard a heartbreaking gasp. "Oh my god Bella," I heard a familiar female voice cry.

My eyes couldn't focus on the figure but they were incredibly pale so I figured it was a Cullen, I moaned internally. I wanted to do this so I wouldn't cause them anymore pain, they shouldn't have been here. I felt cold arms scoop me up and properly and checking my pulse. "Bella, it's Rosalie, please don't die. I need you, we all need you" I could hear her dry sobbing chest heaving. She lifted me up into her arms bridal style.

I knew this was it, I was dying.

"I love you," I whispered so low I bet a vampire would have trouble hearing. My hand released the final pill for Edward, I blacked out drifting into an eternal sleep just in time to hear the pill drop to the floor and Rosalie swear and run out the house.


	3. Chapter 3

**Well guys here it is, I had it written up but I've just been so busy with Prom stuff (WHICH IS TODAY!!!!) so I didnt get this up sooner, sorry! I am also sorry if you feel there is no progression I just want to do this properly, because there are those stories that seem like they fall in love after like four chapters but I will get there eventually but I am going to, hopefully, do a good job of this. I would love to hear your ideas on what could happen and if anything should be changed. So dont be scared to say so! **

**Disclaimer: Yes, I dont own Twilight or Bulletproof *sigh**

**Chapter 3**

**there's certain things that should be left unsaid,  
tick tick tick tick on the watch and life's too short for me to stop,  
Oh baby, your time is running out,  
**

What is time? Is it mearly something measured in units, or is it something so complex that we cannot even begin to grasp it's concept?  
Both of these statements can be correct but also false. Time can be measured in smiles, laughs and tears but then those are moments in life when time just stops. Not litrally of course, that's impossible. But rhetorically, there are those times when you look at someone or they look at you and everything else seems to fade away, become nothing. All that matters is you and them.

But that's only one reason time can stop, the other is less pleasant. You see yourself and everything else around you slow down, you feel as though everyone is watching you. Feeling your pain, hearing the screams and seeing you future. But whether you will have a future is the question. Those times in life are not common because usually, to be blunt, you die. Not me though, there seems to someone watching in the distance mocking me, making it so that I cannot rest. Because thats all I really want, is peace.

I have experienced this many times; nearly getting hit by Tylers' van, standing in a meadow with three hungry vampires, and being beaten by James. Though everytime someone was there to save me. Edward. He seemed to be the one who was stopping me from having my peace.  
This time was different though rather he was the cause of the pain, but he had disappeared. So all that was left was me and time. But I was running out of time.

Time had stopped. I could hear the wind whip around my ears causing a horrible whistling. My eyes refused to open, glued together with imaginary super glue. I could hear and feel everything around me, although I couldn't see a thing. I was in a limbo, I was in and out of consciousnous , in between this reality and the next.

The thing that disturbed me the most was that I was alive, I was meant to be dead on the hard cold floor in the bathroom not someones' cold hard arms. Cold arms. Then I remembered that Rose had found me, trying to kill myself. She was going to take me to Carlise, so he could make me live again. That is not what I wanted.

I started to groan and moan in Rosalies' arms in protest trying to get her to drop me but she couldn't hear me over her dry sobbing.

"It's okay Bella, Carlise will fix you he knows everything, I promise he will save you.." Rose mumbled against the wind. I could feel her starting to slow down, that meant we were near the house. I started to internally panic, what were the Cullens' going to think when they saw me? In my underwear, with scars all over my legs, passed out from pill overdose. They are going to think exactly what happened, I was trying to kill myself.  
That I was suffering worse then I let on. This would kill them.

I could hear someone scream in the distance, distinctly Esme. I felt a tear fall from the corner of my eye, I never wanted to hurt Esme. She treated me like her own daughter, and Carlise. He loved me like his own child. What had I done? I was hurting everyone around me, and Rose.  
She was never one to try and here I was making her cry tears that wouldnt ever come shattering heart. Emmett, childish big brother Emmett. He never hated me, only loved me. How could I do this to them, they were my family. And they were going to see me at my worst.

I tried to move but it was impossible, I was going to have to listen to them suffer. I could feel the door open around me and the feel of air moving to me.

"Rosalie, what has she done!?" I could hear Esme squeal in pain breaking my heart. Rosalie then set me down somewhere, pressumably the long table in the dining room. I heard another person enter the room and the clanging of metal.

"I-I was too late.. she tried to kill herself," Rosalie said through sobs. I felt her hands slip from my neck to my hand and grab it in a bone crushing hold. "Carlise, you'll be able to do something right?" Rosalie whispered. I suddenly felt two cold fingers press to my wrist, checking my pulse.  
"I should, but she is in a dangerous condition. She must have taken alot of pills." Carlise said calm but with an underlying panicing tone.

At this I felt my heart rate rise, I was panicking. I didn't want to die anymore, I dont want the Cullens to suffer. My chest started to rise rapidly in panic. My whole body was shaking, I needed to see them, reassure them tell them I wouldn't ever do it again. Another set of freezing cold hands grabbed my empty shaking hand.

"Bella, it's Jasper. I know you can hear me. Please, calm down you will give yourself a heart attack." he reassured without using his powers. "I will only use my powers if you want me to, I know you feel bad as it is but I won't do it if you dont want me too. Squeeze my hand if you want me too," Jasper said in a calm tone. I wanted him to help me so bad. I squeezed tight as I could, not sure whether he felt it. He must have though because I felt myself drifting off into sleep. Not death, just slumber.

"Good girl Bella, your doing fine. Carlise is helping you, we will see you soon," Jasper whispered. Then everything went black.

My head was splitting in half, or at least it should have been with the pain it was giving me. I tried to move but the pain was too overwhelming.  
I tried to reach out and grab something but my hand was already handing something, or rather something was holding it.

"Bella dear, try not to move too much you will only make the pain worse," someone whispered to me. Esme. I gasped, I missed her so much.  
I don't even know how long I was asleep but it felt too long. I could tell that she was missing me as well, there was longing and sadness in her voice. Just hearing her voice made me want to cry, I cannot believe I hurt her so much, I was so selfish.

I felt tears fall down my cheek, I didn't even realise I had started to cry. Stupid Bella, don't cry you will make them feel worse. "Bella sweetie, please dont cry. Were sorry, we couldnt let you die we love you too much," Esme sobbed. No, please dont say that. It's all my fault dont be sorry. My chest heaved, I was now sobbing. I no longer felt the physical pain, only the emotional. I needed to tell her I was sorry, she shouldnt feel bad.

I opened my mouth, feeling my lips crack. "Ess- may, I am so sorry," I croaked begining to regain my voice. "I was so selfish, I just wanted the pain to disappear. I never meant to hurt you, please forgive me," I sobbed, my eyes still shut. I wanted to open them so bad, just to look in her eyes to see if she would forgive me. "Of course darling, we love you all so much. It's not the first time one of us wanted to die to relieve ourselves of the pain. Do you remember how I died and became a vampire?" Esme whispered meaning every word she said.

I nodded finally being able to move. She jumped off a cliff because she lost her child, then Carlise saved her. "Then you will understand that I know what your going through. Now, it will get better. Maybe not today, probably not tomorrow but it will eventually. I promise," Esme murmured. With her words, I felt better knowing that she was speaking only the truth. I was part of their family, whether or not Alice or Edward were in it. I dont know what I'd do if one of them died, I'd be destroyed most likely.  
I wanted to hug Esme so bad but I stay couldnt move properly still. The pain was easing but it still couldn't heal the pain in my heart, the pain lessened but it was still there lurking underneath it all. I settled for opening my eyes. At first I was burning by the brightness of it all, but eventually my eyes adjusted and I could see muggy outlines. I picked up my spare hand and lifted it to the closest outline which I presumed was Esme. "Is that you Esme?" I whispered. No longer as I said that Esme had me in an embrace that was warm for her.

"I love you so much Esme, how could you ever forgive me for doing this to you, to everyone?" I cried. I wrapped my arms around her grabbing more of her then I could hope. "Bella, I forgave you as soon as you came in the door. What would I do with myself if I lost another child and spent the last minutes of her life hating her?" Esme whispered into my shoulder.

Just as we ending our hug I felt the pressence of the others in the room and was shortly after swept into a massive family hug, even Jasper had joined in hugging me from the back. "I hope you all can forgive me, I was very foolish, I shouldnt have done that," I said. I got no response except a tighter hug, which was good enough for me.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Well, I hope you enjoy. It's not that long and for that I apologise it's just that everytime I go to write a chapter I have to get off the computer and I want to upload it because I am so excited to hear what you guys think. I know that I said that I wouldn't beg for reviews but I mean c'mon theres like so many of you that have read my chapters, I would brighten up my day if you told me what I was doing wrong/right. :D I will try to make the chapters longer I promise (: ****oooer heres an idea. if I can get my reviews to 40 (I know reaching BUT...) I will tell you what Bellas oh-so-important power will be!! Oooerrr (: I also just decided that I will not update until I get to 20 reviews and then after that like 5 for each chapter confusing but come on I really wanna hear what I should do with the story, I am open for ideas! And if any of you have an extremely good idea I will name a character after you! I know I am being mean but hey I am a bitch.**

**Disclaimer: I still don't own Twilight, I wonder why Stephenie Meyer wont sell it to me.... also I do not own the heartbreaking-perfect-for-New Moon- song "Like Knives" By City and Color (it's so perfect for it )**

**Chapter 4**

**Your words are like knives  
They peel my skin and pierce my soul...  
Your body will burn tonight...  
Though your heart may still remain cold**

When people used to say you never know what you've lost till it's gone I never thought it was true, just some stupid cliche. I never realised how true that was until I tried to take my own life. Losing Edward and Alice was nothing compared to the pain in my heart when I thought of never looking at the family that actually cared for me. As long as I had them to keep me sane, I would live, for them.

I have been staying with the Cullens' more than I had when Alice and Edward were here, whether that be because they wanted to make sure I wouldnt do anything rash again I dont know but I really dont care. I found that I loved to spend time with them, I always seemed to be much more relaxed here, and I don't think that was because there was an empath in the house.

I walked into the spacious kitchen where I found Esme cooking something that seemed absolutely devine. I smelled in the auroma and moaned in pleasure. "Esme, thanks for making breakfast I really appreciate it." I said while sitting down on the barstool. "It's no trouble Bella dear, hope you enjoy it. I'm making cinammon pancakes for you," Esme said bringing over a plate of food. I gave her a kiss on the check and dug into the food, and not in a binging way.

"Tinkerbell, your finally up," I heard someone yell from the doorway. I groaned. "Emmett, I 've told you not to call me that, at least five times an hour I tell you." I whinged. I felt his arms wrap me in a hug and kiss me on the back of my head. "Sorry, Bells. I won't call you it anymore if thats what you want," Emmett sobbed. I let out a hearty chuckle and threw my head back into his chest and looked into his eyes. "No wonder Rose has a hard time telling you no," his face lit up, "I am still saying no though," I grinned. I ate the rest of my pancakes with Esme and Emmett talking about our plans today.

"They sound great, but I wanted to take a walk first, get some fresh air. I hardly leave the house anymore." I said getting up from the bench to wash my plate. "That's okay isn't it Esme, I can go for a walk soon?" I asked her seeing her worried look. Esme started to speak, "Of course dear, but please just be-" "careful, yes Esme. I will look both ways before crossing the road and wont run with scissors." I joked with her before kissing her cheek before going up the stairs to my newly acquired room.

Esme and I had spent our free time painting room to my tastes. We decided with electic blue frames and yellow walls. I walked over to my wardrobe that was filled with some of my clothes and tried to decide what to wear. I settled on my yellow Mario star shirt over my long sleeved shirt with blue jeans. I put on my black Converses and lightly brushed through my hair.

I opened my door and started to walk faster than normal out of the door, I was happy. Truly happy, this wasnt something that happens that often these days. I was about to turn the corner when I ran into something hard, cold and solid. I fell to the ground and groaned.

"You should probably wear a sign next time, not everyone around here is indescructable," I mumbled. I felt a cold hand lift me up and catch me as I begun to fall again. I leaned into their chest to regain my balance and felt their body shaking with laughter. "Bella darlin' you really are the most accidently prone person I have ever met, in my whole entire existance." Jasper. I leant back and started to walk in the direction I was heading before I left. "You know Jasper, for a vampire you really couldve sensed me there," I retorted. "Sorry, I was too focused on the overwhelming happiness coming from up here I decided to find out who it was," he questioned raising an eyebrow.

I smiled and laughed. "That was me, today is a good day. I can feel it," I said never stopping smiling. My sudden change of mood had confused the hell out of Jasper but he quickly smiled because he must have felt the pure happiness I was sure I was emitting. I wanted to make everybody happy, life is good no matter what happens. You can always realise that there is something worth living for.

I gave Jasper a hug and jogged down the stairs, surprisingly not falling, to the living room. "Bye everyone I'll be back in an hour or so, I won't be long just taking a short walk. Love you all!" I called happily to them all. I walked out the front door after hearing back serveral "I love you's and be safes'." I opened the door to see Carlise pulling in from work after having a night shift. "Hey Carlise!" I said as I walked over to his chair.  
I gave him a hug as he stepped out of his car and kissed him on the cheek. "Was work fun?" I asked but he was too clearly stunned to reply so laughed and walked toward the trail near the edge of the forrest. "I am just going for a short walk, I'll be back later Dad!" I called to him knowing he could hear. I laughed and turned around to see Carlise still standing where I left him with his mouth hanging open.

I was so happy I could skip, which I would expect with all the debris around I would most likely trip. I settled for having a bounce in my step.  
I was never one for taking walks in the park or anything like that but I just had the most unusual mood today. I walked for around half an hour when I had the most strangest sensation of being followed. I started to get paranoid, I would just turn around and go back on the path. Only problem: the path was blocked by a tree. A very large tree, that wasnt there three seconds ago. A very large tree I hadnt heard fall.

I'd only ever seen a tree break once in my life, and it was possibly one of the most terrifying experiences I have ever had. One I wasnt keen on seeing again. I knew it by then. He was here. I couldnt see where but he was here, and I had walked right into his trap. Edward had finally gotten me where he wanted me.

"I know your here, you may as well come out you coward!" I yelled with much more venom then I actually had. Deep down, I was so scared that I just wanted to crawl on the ground and hide till he left. I felt his prescence behind and spun around to see the same Godlike man I had grown used to. I gasped, he looked exactly like he did when he attacked me. There was just one main difference. He had blood red eyes I had only seen a few times in my life. They were the eyes of a killer, not one of animals one of humans.

I was scarred for my life then, I went to scream but wasnt able to as my air supply was cut off. I found myself flying against the closest tree and heard a sickening crack. I felt like I couldnt move, every part of me ached. I knew I hadnt died, I was in too much pain to be dead. I closed my eyes in pain and took deep breathes which even hurt.

"You couldn't just leave could you?! What is it that attracts you to us? We don't even want you!" I heard Edward scream from above me. I whimpered in response which was met by a hard kick to the ribs and another crack. I couldnt breathe anymore, my breaths going out in harsh gasps. "I didn't even love you! So why did you stay? You were only a problem to us! Do you have that much of a death wish you couldnt just leave! You are such a child, you strap yourself to whatever comes you way! Will you ever grow up? I mean look what your wearing, when will you learn?!" He screamed into my face. I was sobbing so hard now I could feel the blood flowing from my mouth.

Why did death keep hunting me down when I didnt want to die? I was so sure I was about to die when I heard a simple chime of his phone. "Yes dear?" I heard him say calmly to someone I pressumed was Alice. "WHAT DID YOU THINK YOU WERE DOING?! SHE IS GOING TO DIE NOW ARO DOESNT WANT HER IF SHE ISN'T ALIVE! CHANGE HER AND GET BACK HERE, YOU WILL BE IN SO MUCH TROUBLE!" I heard her scream through the phone. Who was Aro?

I heard Edward flip the phone shut and walk over to me again, and lean down to my face again. "Well, I guess your going to get what you always wanted. Your going to be a vampire. All this effort when I couldve just done it when I first met you! I don't see why Alice had me warn Rosalie you were going to kill yourself, we could've just changed you then! Everyone would've assumed you ran away!" He said to me with venom in his voice. "And the best part wouldve been that noone would have missed you, not even your stupid human father. Not that it matters anyway, he's dead. And so are you," he whispered sickly in my ear.

I let out a heartbreaking sob for the loss of my father. He was dead and it was my fault. How could they do this to Charlie? He was innocent. As I was saying my prayers for Renee I felt Edward press his lips to my neck and bite in hungrily giving me an eternal kiss that would last forever, and I didn't even want it.

**Love you all! x.**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: sorry for taking forever to update but Im seriously lacking motivation. I am pleased for those few people who reviewed but I am feeling that this story is not really being read and I kinda felt that there was no point in continuing for a while. I've decided that I will finish it, even if it is for those couple people who review. I never realised how much a review could mean to an author, they really light up your day and make you want to update faster :D hint hint ;)**

**I hope you enjoy I wanted to quickly getting this out so here you go. **

**Dangit, still dont own Twilight. I could be rich as broo.**

**Chapter 5**

**I could follow you to the beginning  
And just relive the start  
And maybe then we'll remember to slow down  
To all of our favorite parts**

All I wanted was you

They say that there is nothing more painful than dying. They are wrong.

Laying here on the cold, damp ground chilled me to the bone. I could feel every bit of me aching, every broken bone every bruise. But the more prominent pain was the one pumping through my veins poisoning my system with the vile taste on him. I had finally gotten what I wanted but it was something I didn't need. I wasn't even completely sure whether I wanted to be a vampire anymore, I mean sure my family was all immortals. The only thing that kept me mortal bound was Charlie, and now that I would spend my entire exsistance mourning over his death did I want to be a vampire?

A sudden shot of ice cold fire shot through my chest and I whined in pain. I was completely unaware that Edward was still there pacing until he kicked a rock shattering it to pieces near my head.

"God, can you stop whining! Is that all you do? I just want you to hurry up and change so I can get fucking out of here and back to Italy and Alice,"  
he muttered apparently to himself. I cringed internally at the thought of him and Alice together but something deep down told me I should suck it up and just hope the pain goes away.

My whole body began to tremble at the sudden increase of temperature of the burning. From what I had heard from the others was that they were basically unconscious the whole time, and that's all I wanted. I didn't want to hear Edward mutter about how much he was missing Alice or how he wanted me to die already.

I lay there my body bent at an unnatural angle, but I could no longer feel the pain of my broken body and only the creeping, tingling burn of the traitors venom. I bit down on my lip and crushed my eyes together tighter as I felt another sudden rush of death crawl over my body. I felt the pain in my body ease as slipped in and out of consciousness.

It then occurred to me how long I was laying here, surely the Cullens would realise when I hadn't returned after half an hour. Or maybe they just figured I had gone to visit Angela or something. I had the feeling I had been here for at least a few hours because I could hear crickets so it had to at least be 6 at night which worried me more than it should.

I was overthrown by the fire and passed out for a few more hours. I woke up keeping my eyes shut not even sure I could open them if I tried, when I heard Edward cuss to himself, great I wondered to myself. What was his problem now? I could feel a small heat on my skin which made me assume that it was morning. I felt myself panic and my heart increase when I thought that the Cullens' hadn't came to look for me yet. I wanted to cry but I couldn't find the energy to do so.

A little part died inside of me with the knowledge that no one was coming for me, not even the Cullens. Had it really come down to this? Me dying all alone in the forest from the guy I once loved? I wanted to scream so hard that I broke my vocal chords, but I couldn't see that happening anytime soon.

I could feel the burning sensation turn to that one of a cooling breeze across all the surfaces of my body, I could sense every part of me changing into something that I was not completely ready for. Something I thought so long ago I was willingly to give everything I had up for. I was so ready to live forever without considering the consequences, I mean I was a teenager. I wanted to spend the rest of my existance with a guy I barely really knew at all.

I could feel every inch of my bones hardening and lengthening, and god was it disorienting. I didn't think I could handle it anymore when I heard a demonic growl from behind me. I figured it was Edward until I felt myself being scooped up into familiar arms that no longer felt as cold as they should be. I wanted to intake a breath but I no longer felt the urge to, all meaning to breathe had disappeared with the cooling of my body and I barely noticed.

"Put her down!" I heard Edward hiss from somewhere far away from me concluding that it indeed was not him that was holding me in a death grip.

I felt the arms constricting my limp body tighten around me as they spoke. "She's no longer yours Edward, you left her remember?!" I heard the harsh peal of bells reply that could only belong to Rosalie. I was so glad that she had finally came to take me from the monster but my happiness was short lived as I felt a boulder collide with Rosalie sending us both soaring to the ground.

I thought I had heard nothing louder than that in my llife, I was wrong. I heard a monstrous roar power through the trees and a smashing sound of metal on metal. "Leave them alone you traitor, you have no right to try to steal Bella from us," I heard Emmett boom nearby. I was washed over my overwhelming love when I heard three more hisses come from a different direction, Carlise, Esme and Jasper undoubtedly.

"You dont even want her, you are just looking after her because you feel pity. But truth is, shes got so much more in store than being part of a family," Edward spat at the family. I heard him walk towards Rose and I hiding behind a tree. Rose was slightly shaken but otherwise was well aware of the danger. I heard the sound of Edward chuckle darkly and loudly yell to Emmett, "don't try and attack me brother," he sneered, "I'll always be one step ahead of you he said while presumably tapping his temple.

I felt the ground shudder and light on my skin as the tree sheltering Rose and I were hiding behind ripped unwillingly from the ground. "You'll never get her back," Rosalie protested. My body trembled as I fell hardly to the ground and Rose was sent flying south. Cold arms picked me up and I was thrown over someones' shoulder roughly. The wind around me sprayed out in all directions as I ascended forward over Edwards shoulder. He landed gracefully on a branch at least four stories above where I was only a second ago. I felt his body quaver with a heartless chuckle as he lept into the ground again but his leap was cut short by the sudden collision no vampire could intentionally make.

My limbs flailed as I fell to the ground where I crumpled once more under my broken limbs. There was no pain, my body already void of all things human. I heard the sound of someone trying to forcefully mold metal at the same time I felt a different set of cool arms pick up my body. "Bella, it's going to be okay Edward has left but your already too far along in the change to do anything. I know you can hear me, it's only Jasper darlin'" he spoke with a southern accent.

I felt much better as the wind whipped around my lifeless hair, slipping into unconsciousness I heard the sound of more feet running to catch up with a dying heartbeat.

****

"Should we get her some blood or something? You know to ease the burning," I heard the sweet voice of my mother ask worryingly. I listened carefully with acute hearing heard the sound of three pairs of feet pacing, one pair of hands shredding a napkin, the slow drip of an IV and the sound of a game controller furiously smashing away in a distant room.

I could open my eyes if I dared, but I was unsure of what I would see.

"I dont think so, we should let her come to her own conclusion. From what I've seen over the years, newborns do not like to be forced upon." I heard the quick assessment of a southern-like Army officer. "I guess so, you have the most experience," I heard Esme sigh. Most experience?  
What did that mean? I'd have to ask later when I got the chance. "I just want this to be as easy on her as possible, she hasn't had an easy few months," Esme said with a tone of longing.

I smelt the air and was welcomed by a fresh bouquet of an arrangement of smells. Closely the smell of lavender and orange coming from a very feminine skin - Esme. A little further away the smell of shortbread and pine rushed into my nose, distinctly Carlise. Apricots and roses - Rosalie.  
The most delicious gathering of lemon grass, peppermint and aloe vera kept often rushing past my nose causing venom to pool up in my mouth.  
I could even smell the distant scent of granny apples and passionfruit, clearly that would be Emmett. I wondered what I smelt like, knowing my luck something foul like tuna and brine.

I was finishing the change soon but I didn't want to open my eyes, but I was afraid of what I saw. Would my eyes be the blinding red of those of James'? Yes, they would be. Would I no longer look like me? Would they still want me even if I was a crazed newborn? I hoped so.

"Don't be afraid darlin' were all here to help you," I felt Jasper drawl into my ear. When I was human I never realised that Jasper had a Southern accent, actually to be honest. I knew nothing about him, for my "protection" I wasn't allowed near him. What a lie. I was suddenly feeling very calm and keen to open my eyes. Least thats one good thing about Jaspers' ability. I wonder if I would get an ability.

I decided it was time. I needed to open my eyes and face the future. There was no point in hiding, I couldn't put it off any longer. I needed to move on with my life. I needed to show no fear in this new immortal life. I was no longer going to be the weak little Bella that everyone needed to protect, I would hold my own.

I tensed my body preparing for the flight or fight scenario and opened my eyes to my new life.

**Reviews make a happy author who wont make the Cullen men gay :)**


	6. Chapter 6

**Wow, thanks everybody. Your responses were much better that chapter than the rest. I woke up that morning after I posted the chapter to check my phone and find 7 reviews and heaps of other alerts. But you guys can do better, I sounds like you want me to turn the Cullen men gay D: I was going to get this out earlier but I decided I didn't like the way I wrote it because it reminded me too much of Breaking Dawn cos she was so normal and such and I wanted her to feel a bit of pain. And in response to everyone, yes eventually Edward and Alice will get their butts kicked. (:**

**Oh BTW 45th reviewer gets to know what Bellas' awesome power is. My beta and I came down to 2 ideas and I have decided on the one I came up with recently. I hope it isn't too far fetchy but I like it. And its not a sheid :)**

**Chapter 6**

**I'll find repose in new ways  
Though I haven't slept in two days  
'Cause cold nostalgia  
Chills me to the bone**

But drenched in vanilla twilight  
I'll sit on the front porch all night  
Waist-deep in thought because  
When I think of you I don't feel so alone

Who knew there was some many colours? I for one didnt.

I looked into the air and was more amazed than I had ever been in my life. I could see everything, and when I say everything I mean everything.  
I saw every particle of dust, every ray of light, I could even see shimmer of movements.

Not only that I could hear everything for miles. I could even hear Ms. Cope at the high school telling a student that they shouldnt have eaten so many chocolates. I was completely baffled, this was so disorienting. I never knew there was so many things to be observed. I took an unnecessary intake of air and was met by a burning sensation in the back of my throat and my breathing hitched.

What was that?!

It smelled so good but I knew it was wrong, this had to be human blood. I flipped off the makeshift bed and cornered myself in the corner, not the wisest move. All of the Cullens' were in front of me in a semicircle, Jasper flanked with Carlise and Emmett on his sides, then closest to me on either sides were Rose and Esme. Obviously I had scared them.

I closed my eyes and practised some of the breathing techniques I had learnt in the past month whenever I thought of them. I clenched and released my fists and opened my eyes. They were all looking at me with a sense of worry, oh right they were expecting me to fight. Wait, why wasn't I a crazed newborn. I mean my throat was burning worse than a dust storm in Texas but it was fine, uncomfortable but I was dealing. Maybe this way my power? I mean that's okay but come on, that so lame.

I opened my mouth to say something but had to close it again because of the warm salty air that entered it. It was familar, and recent. That must have meant the Cullens' had another human here. I breathed in slowly through my nose so I could try to remember the scent. Coconut, vanilla and cinnamon were dominant but I swear I could smell strawberries and freesia faintly. It was really familiar but I couldnt place it so I shrugged it off and absent mindely ran my fingers through my hair and a wave of coconut washed over me. The human scent was me, I gasped to myself.

I tried to remember what had happened before I was changed, but it hurt me more than any physical pain could. I had died. Charlie was dead. How did this happen? Who did this? Why?! Before I knew it I had let out a high pitched yell sending the house into tremors. I pressed my fists to my eyes and pressed them in, sliding against the wall and sitting on the ground in a ball. I couldn't handle this.

I had been killed my former boyfriend, that I could handle. But my father, not so much. I felt my chest cave in with unshed tears that wouldnt come.  
I hadn't realised it but I started screaming again with my body shaking. I suddenly felt calm and looked up through shimmering eyes at Jasper, he was using his power on me. Even though it felt intrusive I allowed it, it was much better than being screaming.

"Thanks," I whispered knowing theyd hear. I looked at my family expecting anger but saw nothing but sadness and acceptance. I relaxed the death grip I had my legs and started to lift myself off the ground slow for a vampire. I leant against the wall harder feeling a small crack then stopped leaning.  
"Sorry," I said to Esme.

I started to realise how uncomfortable it was standing there, I didnt know why though. I took an unnecessary breath and realised why I was uncomfortable. There was a tingling burn still dominant at the back of my throat reminding me that I still needed to hunt. But I felt a more important urge for answers.  
"How long have I been... asleep?" Everyone looked at each other then, not wanting to answer my question. "How long?" I asked again.  
"Two days," Rosalie replied looking away.

"Why is that bad or something?" I asked clearly confused. "Most newborns are burning for three or more days, two days is rare but what I was just was considering was that maybe your not reacting to being a newborn because you didn't spend as long burning so you haven't gotten used to the idea of wanting human blood," Jasper thought to himself more at the end. I thought that this was okay explanation but I needed more.

"But why did I only burn for two days?" I questioned to noone in particular. "Bella, do you remember anything from how you were turned?" Carlise asked looking pained. I quickly got a flash of myself being thrown against a tree with a sickening crack. "Bits and pieces," I lied. Noone really looked like they believed me but they let it go.

"If you hadnt been going to get turned you wouldve been beyond repair, we werent even sure that you'd come out right.." Carlise spoke quietly.  
Did I come out wrong, is that why I don't react to blood badly. Was I a normal vampire at all? "Your body didn't even look like you, most of your bones were broken and there was alot of internal bleeding. And that was after hours -" "That's enough Carlise," Esme cut off Carlise seeing my expression. "Well my theory is that the venom was working so hard to fix your body that it forgot about something of being a vampire- bloodlust,"  
he explained with more caution.

"So I came back wrong?" I asked a little terrified. "No, of course not dear. Just different," Esme said quickly trying to ease my distress but saw that it wasnt entirely working backtracked. "There's nothing wrong with being different Bella, and remember its just a theory. It's not set in stone,"  
she added trailing off at the quote she had picked up that left us all feeling miserable.

We stood there for a good ten minutes before anyone spoke. "Charlie," thats all I needed to say before I felt arms around me. I slowly put my arms around their body and clung like my life depended on it, which in a way it did. "Bella, we should sit down," I heard Rose whisper in my ear. I nodded my reply and followed her to the couch where I curled up into another ball.

"There's no easy way to say it Bella, but your father was murdered while he was working. No one saw it happen but apparently he was shot with his own gun, but we have suspicions of something else," Carlise explained. I nodded slowly taking it all in but not really comprehending it.  
It didn't really matter anyway, the Cullens' were all I had left now.

I leaned back into the white leather sofa and closed my eyes, "I need to hunt," I said more as a declaration than a question. I rose quickly knowing someone would follow and left out the back door. I ran across the lawn and leaped over the river surrounding the house and ran into the forrest not looking behind.

I finally understood now how vampires always said that running was like a second nature to them, it was just so carefree. I ran untill I found a pretty sucluded path and sat down on a recently fallen tree and placed my head into my hands and thought of what life had become. I knew whoever followed me would give me a little space for me to recollect my thoughts before we went to hunt. I quickly wondered who would have followed me, probably Rose. Just because we were close.

While thinking I realised that thanks to me Charlie was dead. If it hadnt been my depression he never would have to had to leave the house so he wouldnt see me on the brink of insanity, he would still be here today. Alive.

Before I knew what I was doing I uprooted a tree and threw it across the cleared path and knew why the tree I had just been sitting on had been uprooted. Just two days ago this is where Edward killed me. I screamed outt in pain for my loss, of life and my father. So much had changed in the short time I had moved to Forks. Too much perhaps.

I was still fuming when I felt a wave of calm envelope me. "Hello Jasper," I said with sumbission while kicking a medium sized rock with my foot.  
"Hey Bella," he spoke quietly, clearly he felt this wasnt his place. He walked over and sat on the uprooted tree and patted the space near him. I hesitantly went and sat next to him and turned my body to face him.

"So are we going to have like a Yoda to Luke moment?" I said as a feeble attempt to sound happy. He gave a slight chuckle and then sighed deeply. "You miss Alice," I accused. He gave a small smile. "You miss Edward," he countered. "Yes and No," I replied. "I mean, how can I. He killed me. Mentally and physically. But on the other hand, he was my first love.''

He nodded at that, and got up again and paced the clearing quickly. He came back to me quickly and kneeled on the moist ground. "What would you like to hunt?" he asked randomly. I laughed at that and didn't know what to think. "Just something so this... burning isn't so uncomfortable," I grinned. He was deep and thought and started to slowly walk away. "Are you coming or not?" he said jokingly. I shook my head and followed after him into the woods.

He led the way mostly but there were times when I used my newborn speed to overtake him. It felt good to just let everything fly behind me like an imaginary cape. Let all my worries fly away, I grinned at that thought. I heard Jasper slow down behind me so I followed suit. He held a hand out as a gesture to stop and listen. I closed my eyes and heard the soft thrumming of a tiny heart and the flow of blood circulate the body.

Could I really kill an animal? "Would you rather kill a human?" Jasper said softly, he must have felt my uncertanity. His words were true enough but it still felt odd. "Do you know what you are hearing?" he asked quietly. God, how would I know? "Well, its soft and small sounding. So maybe a deer or something?" I said hopefully. Jasper chuckled to himself, "your are right, but smell it and recognise the smell for future times."

I breathed through my nose and went rigid. It smelt like freshly cut grass and huckleberries. It smelt good, but not great. But hell, if it sustained the pain. Sure I could drain a deer. I then realised I had no idea how to. "Umm, Jasper. How do I eat it?" I asked feeling foolish. He gave a short small laugh. "It's hard to explain, but the simpliest way to put it is to follow your instincts. Let the inner animal in you take over."

I nodded shortly at that, and started to walk forward. I closed my eyes slowly and drifted forward and unknowingly walked through the trees. I knew I was getting closer to the deer that was nearby because the burning in my throat became much more known. I became so close to the deer that I didnt realise it when I leaped at it and sunk my teeth into the first bit of warm flesh my teeth came into contact with. I drank eagerly and before I knew it had drained it in a few minutes.

I got up slowly and noticed Jasper leaning against the trees with his arms crossed with a smug look on his face. "Well, thats embarrassing," I said after a minute. "Bet I looked absolutely clueless and messy," I chuckled. "Well, it wasnt _that _bad Bella, but practice makes perfect," he said with a wide grin. The first I had seen since Alice and Edward left. "Your probably still hungry, so lets look for some more deer, just keep it small for your first trip," he concluded before gesturing for me to follow him.

We worked like this for a couple hours until both of us were satisfied. We walked out of the forrest laughing and joking like old friends and entered the house, then I was overwhelmed by the misery lurking behind every shadow. Memories of Edward and Alice were everywhere, not just in mine and Jaspers faces but the grand piano, Alices' sketch pad the list goes on. It was evident that Alice and Edward were key pieces in the family, that everyone circled them.

I sighed deeply and felt a hand give a squeeze to mine, I looked up at Jasper who didn't need his powers to make me feel better. Just having him understand and being close to going through what I was, was good enough. "Thanks Jasper," I said. "For what?" he asked.

"Understanding."

**Reviews make me not kill of good guys : )**


	7. Chapter 7

**It seems as though you would rather let a Cullen die then let a Cullen boy turn gay, haha. Thanks to those who did review it was appreciated, but I didnt get as many as I would have liked. I have told the 45th reviewer what the power is going to be and if I get to 60 this chapter I will tell them : ) Please review I'd like to know what I should do different, etc. Even if it's a smiley face you will make my day! :D Love you all. This is a Chrimbo present to you all :D I may not update for a week or so, its taking me alot to get motivated these days. Hint hint. **

**Chapter 7**

**You never forget, whatever they tell you. You never will.**

**The memories of me  
Will seem more like bad dreams  
Just a series of blurs  
Like I never occurred  
Someday you will be loved**

I dropped Jaspers hand slowly and walked at a humans pace through the house, smelling everything and memorising it for later. It was amazing how everything had it own individal scent that was unlike nothing else. Clearly unique. No one interrupted me, Jasper occasionally hovering behind me making sure that I didn't do anything too dangerous I guess. Once I had smelt everything from the first floor of the house from leather to satin I slowly accended the staircase to the second story where my room was.

I ran my hand quickly over the banister and sniffed the polish wood quickly, cherry blackwood oak with strong layers of varnish, a very strong combination. I walked up the last few remaining steps when I realised they had stopped following me, I shrugged my shoulders and turned the first corner to the study. I had only been in here once before and that was so long ago, it felt like another life time. I knocked on the door knowing Carlise would be in there, ready a book of some sort. "Come in Bella," he called through the thick wood of the door.

I carefully pushed open the door and stepped onto the carpet. "Hey," I whispered knowing he could hear me. "You know Bella, you dont have to knock on the door here. Except maybe Emmetts' and Roses', actually I'd stay away from that room altogether," he shuddered. I gave a small dark chuckle as I walked to the bookcase to enjoy the books. I picked one up from the shelf on opened it at a random page, I smelt deeply into the bind and sighed. Dust, paper and ink, a weird yet obvious combination but it was homely to me.

"Bella there is something we need to talk about," Carlise said watching his words, "can you please come sit over here. I know you can hear me, but I thought it would be easier." he said drifting off. I placed the book back in its proper position and was sitting in the longue chair in an instant. I breathed in through my nose to smell the chair and sighed, it didn't smell new and unused it felt warm and earthy with knowledge.

I looked at Carlise giving him a look to continue and crossing my leg over the other. "We still have to discuss your... accident." I wasnt quite sure where he was headed so I raised an eyebrow in confusion. "Its entirely up to you, so dont feel pressured to do anything but we need to know soon. People are starting to talk. An officer came to your house yesterday to inform you of your fathers'... condition." he said this slowly watching my reaction to this. My only reaction was my tighter grip on my thighs, which if I were human I probably would have broken the thigh bones long ago.

"Mmhm," was all I said to get him to continue. "They realised you weren't there and the Newtons' have been calling because you didn't turn up to work either, the town is getting nosey. It's been scheduled for later today to start an official search. Their theory is that you've ran away with the news your father somehow reaching you before hand, that they aren't entirely worried about seeing your legallly an adult." I nodded at this but I didn't like where this was heading. After my nod he continued on, "the other theory is that you... urm died," he ended shortly. Well that part was true at least, I grimaced in my head.

"I have discussed this with the others' and an idea that keeps coming up is to fake your death, we only suggest this because soon the police will turn up here because publicily they know if you aren't at your house you would be wherever we are," he said quickly clearly getting uncharacteristicly nervous. "Best solution we have came up with is, since your truck is here and no one has seen it in town, is that we stage your truck driving off a cliff. It wont be easy, but not impossible." Carlise whispered. We sat there for what could have been hours but was actually only minutes in silence. He was waiting for me to answer.

"Just do whatever is easiest, for you guys. As long as its done is all that matters right?" I said smally because really, it didnt matter. Carlise nodded at this but I didnt feel his heart was in it. I stood up to leave when Carlise spoke again. "Bella these are for you, we have had them for awhile just incase you ever were..." he trailed off. I heard a drawer open and close as I turned around. "I know you probably wont use them, theyre are just incase you ever need anything. You probably wont be able to use them until this whole mess is cleared up but you know, just incase." I looked at his hand and saw he was holding a small silver Blackberry and a slightly smaller credit card. I slowly picked them up and turned them over in my hands. "Thanks Carlise, its very generous." I whispered. I put them in my pocket, not sure whether or not I intended to use them or not. I probably would a couple times to make them happy but you never know. "Bella, we just want you to be happy. Money is just a material thing but if you find it comforting we will give anything to make you happy," Carlise said with sincerity dripping off his every word.

"I really appreciate everything your family has done for me, you didn't have to. Even after they left you still provided me with unconditional love, even when you didnt have to." I gave a small grimace and continued. "That's all I can ask for, is your love." I turned and walked out the door giving Carlise a small wave of my hand before going into the hallway. I needed to continue my scent journey through the house and wondered what my next stop should be, maybe the bathroom on this floor.

I walked at a humans' pace to the bathroom door and knocked quietly, no response. I let myself in and basked in the various smells. Lavender and rose soap in the shower, sandlewood and lemon grass handsoap on the sink. I picked up a dry dark blue towel and enhaled deeply,  
cotton was prominent but there was something else I could not place. I finished up on my journey in the bathroom and left quickly, eager to finish my trip.

Without thinking I entered the room next to the bathroom and stopped in my tracks. Alices' old room, Jasper had moved out of here but left all of Alices' belongings behind. Something told me deep down he hoped she would come back. I felt like I shouldnt be here, it wasn't ever voiced but I had the feeling they werent allowed back. The room had a dead feeling to it, you could no longer smell Alice and only Jaspers' scent lingered on parts of the room. My brain was telling me that I shouldnt be here but there was some morbid part of me that wanted me to continue.

I walked on the lemon coloured carpet over to the desk where many fashion magazines and clothing sketches were spread out, I picked them up and set them in neat piles, it just seemed right. I opened one of the draws and looked inside, but there was nothing but loose blank paper. I shut it quickly having it hold no interest, and went for the second drawer. I tried to open it but failed, it was locked. Even with my vampire strength it only trembled, how odd. Having it locked only increased my curiousity. I began to wonder where Alice would hide a key, nothing too obvious but then it occurred that she would just see someone if they were looking for it so I had a feeling she knew I was looking. I thought of a way of maybe finding it.

I hovered my hand over the books on the desk and felt nothing, I walked over to her duchess and felt emptiness again. I began to wonder where she would hide it and maybe she just took it with her and had it in her pants pocket or something. That gave me an idea, her clothes.  
Maybe she knew that whoever would look for it would think she wouldnt go for the obvious so she went for the obvious. Wow, if I could swear I was getting a headache thinking about this. I quickly walked over to her massive inbuilt wardrobe and rested my hand on the knob. I suddenly felt a spike of anxiety and knew I had to be close. I opened the door and was in amazement, saying it was huge was an insult. It was monstorous.

I walked in and let my jaw drop, but had to quickly shut it remembering I was looking for the key. I stayed on the obvious track and thought of what her favourite thing was. Shoes. I couldnt see any shoes as I walked down the corridor of jeans. Her wardrobe had aisles, amazing. I walked over to dresses began rummaging around on the rack, pushing various extravagent gowns out of the way. I stamped my foot in frustration and thought of Alice. What was something she couldnt stand as dresses? I closed my eyes and remembered one of the times she played Bella Barbie.

_"Alice," I whinged, "couldnt I just wear a simple cotton dress? It would make me happier, dont you want that?" I pleaded into her big topaz eyes. She laughed and gave me a pout, "dont you want to make me happy? I thought we were sisters, I never had a sister as a human and now your denying me of that opportunity?" she sobbed back to me. I sighed as I gave up, "Yes Alice, go ahead then. Bring on the silk," I said with a small smile. Her face lit up, "Yay, thanks Bella. Besides you know I hate cotton, so boring and plain," she said as she skipped off towards to wardrobe._

God, she was such a manipulator and I didn't even realise it. Then it struck me. Cotton. I closed my eyes again and sniffed the air immediately overwhelmed by the different materials. I tried to zone in on just one scent but it was difficult, so I tried zoning in on the scent I couldnt recognise from the crowd and followed it down the rack. The smell ended at a small white dress with yellow flowers printed all over it, it was nice, something I'd never seen her wear. I picked it up off the rack and started shaking it hoping a key or something would fall out. Not that lucky I guess. I threw it on the floor in annoyance and sat next to it. I pushed my hand through my hair and looked up at the rack and noticed something I didn't notice before. A door knob.

I got up quickly and turned the door knob and walked through it knocking several dresses off the rack doing so. I ducked my head down to a height Alice would have found comfortable and walked a little further. I looked up and was just as amazed as when I first entered the wardrobe. The walls were completely covered in shoes, every style, every colour, even every size. I tried to think which one Alice would like the most but I couldnt think of just one she would like. I thought of all the things like Alice and basically was just coming up with clothes, then I realised everyone called her a pixie. Maybe there was some Christmas shoes or something?

I quickly saw something that fitted a Christmas pixish description. Spakly green ballet flats, that were slightly upturned at the toe with a green bow at the front. They called out to me so I walked over to the east wall and jumped up to grab them. I took them out of their clear box and held them in my hands unsure of what to do. I turned them over and over trying to find a key or a clue but found none. I threw them on the ground in frustration ready to give up when I heard a small crack, I thought it wouldve been the floor but on further inspection I realised the bottom of the shoe had started to come off.

I picked it up and pulled off the bottom sole, I held the sole in my hand and grinned. There was a small silver key in the sole. I picked it out of the groove and raced out of the room without bothering to shut to door. I ran out the wardrobe and knelt down at the desk, shoving the key furiously in the lock. Satisfied after hearing a small click I pulled the drawer open.

I picked up the leather bound book sitting on top of loose papers. I undid the small clip lock and realised it was a diary, an old one from 20 years ago. I read the first entry gobsmacked.

_"April 17th, 1989 Today he said it, today Edward told me he loved me.  
We have both seen my visions showing this brunette girl becoming a vampire like us and being part of the Volturi gaurd. I talked to Aro about this and he was most intrigued, he said he has never seen anyone with such power and that we should be careful when we meet her and not to stuff anything up."_

I frowned at this realising that they were talking about me, making the connections from when he turned me. I flipped to a recent entry from 4 years ago.

_"June 22nd, 2005 She will be here soon, we have explained it to the family and they agree fully that this will be for the best. They've all agreed to act their parts,  
she wont see this happening."_

I growled at this, the Cullens' weren't faking anything they loved me and I knew that. Alice probably saw me reading this and wrote it to upset me, thats what my head decided. I threw the book back into the drawer and picked up a stack of photos sticking out of the papers. I shut the drawer and locked it before I looked at the photos, I put the key into my jeans and picked up the first photo.

It was old, black and white and quite worn. It was a photo of Alice with longer hair than when she was here, another difference was that here eyes, even in the picture seemed like a light blue. I figured this was from when she was human. I picked up the next photo and felt myself twinge internally, it was a photo of her and him in a large room with many other vampires. The room was marble and intracilly carved, there were paintings all over the roof of Cherubs and Christain tales. In the middle of the room were three throne like chairs were upon them sat three ghastly men. One with pale blonde hair and the other two with dark brown hair. Alice and him stood behind one of the dark haired males chair on either side of him. They all had evil grimaces on their faces.

I put that photo down on top of the other one and immediately started screaming, it was a self taken photo on a digital camera, it was high definition and completely in colour. I couldnt stop screaming as I glared at the photo of Alice and him kissing in a passionate embrace I ripped up all the photos and shoved them in a nearby bin. I stood up still screaming looking into the bin at the photo of Alice, she was wearing the friendship bracelet we made each other. I curled up into the corner of the room and continued yelling. I closed my eyes and rocked myself back and forth. I hardly heard the sound of the door swing open and the Cullens' enter with shocked masks on their face. My screaming died and I started to unvolintarily mutter over and over "liars, they lie. theyre liars" over and over as a mantra.

"Bella dear, whats the matter?" I heard Esme ask quietly too scared to talk louder. I ignored them, too far gone and rocked myself into a different world where vampires didnt exist. I briefly heard them talking but couldnt really as I was still muttering to myself. I felt a hand on my shoulder and freaked, I started to scream again and hit the hand away. I forced my eyes open and started to yell at no one. "DONT TOUCH ME AGAIN! HAVENT YOU DONE ENOUGH?! YOUR A LIAR, YOU LIED TO ME! DONT TOUCH!" I yelled before jumping out the nearby window.

I felt the glass shatter around me as I fell the ground, I ran deep into the forest and jumped up into a pine tree. I jumped from tree to tree until the sun went down.

**Review or Ill turn a Cullen boy gay ;)**


	8. Chapter 8

**hey, sorry I havent posted in a while I was uber busy and I wanted to make this chapter longer for you guys. Im a bit down though because I didnt get much response from the last one, am I doing okay? Have I totally stuffed up in anyway? Let me know please. I also have totally been forgetting to put disclaimers in recently so YES I DO OWN TWILIGHT! MUAHAHA, suck that Stephenie Meyer :)**

**I have had major inspiration for this chapter from the song "Hide and Seek" by Imogen Heap, so please listen to it as you read this chapter. you tube .com/watch?v=32uLBL9o-Pc, it fits so well with whats going on. Its about a break up for someone else. "Hide and Seek" symbolizes the mistresses' search for the truth about her lover's love life, which he tries desperately to hide. The "trains and sewing machines" would represent the cheating lover's child and wife, respectively, who were "there first", before the beginning of the adulterous relationship. The mistresses' reaction to the idea of her lover belonging to another woman is expressed through "the takeover, the sweeping insensitivity". His censorship of the truth and of his feelings are represented through "newspaper word cutouts" and "mid-sweet talk". The "ransom notes" falling out of the cheater's mouth signify how he has freed his mistress by breaking off the relationship, but has taken her heart in exchange. She feels used, and thus does not believe any expression of emotion her cheating lover tries to appeal to her with ("speak no feeling, no, I don't believe you"), stating only that he "doesn't care a bit". I feel it is the perfect song so pleaseee listen to it while you read (:**

**Chapter 8**

**Jaspers POV**

**Never underestimate the pain of a person because the truth is everyone is struggling. It's just some people hide it better than others.**

**Mm what'cha say?  
Mm that it's all for the best  
Of course it is**

**Mm what'cha say?  
Mm that it's just what we need  
You decided this?**

We all stood there in shock. None of us knew what to do or what had just happened. I for one had been sitting in my new room reading an "accurate tale of the Civil War Era", when I heard someone start screaming. At first I thought it may have just been Rose screaming from a trick played by Emmett but then when a wall of great depression reached me I fell off my chair in pain. There was no way that someone is okay when they are holding such strong emotions as that. I quickly got up off the ground and followed the sound of the ear peircing yell. I have never felt anyone hold so much pain, not even when I was staying with Maria had I felt emotions like that, and thats saying alot. I quickly opened the door of my old room and felt the presence of the rest of the Cullens' behind me. The sight before me was heartbreaking, I have never felt more alone and rejected in my life but these werent my emotions. They were Bellas'.

Bella was curled up in the corner near the wide window rocking herself sitting upright in the foetal position. If it werent for my vampire hearing I wouldn't have heard the mantra she was unknowingly muttering to herself over and over. "Liars, the lie. theyre liars'' she kept repeating and I understood what had brought on these emotions. My eyes caught sight of the upturned rubbish bin that had a few ripped up photos poking out through the old sketches. Even without enhanced vision I could clearly see a photo of Alice and Edward in a passionate embrace kissing, it never occurred to me to wonder how long it went on, and to be honest I really didnt want to know. But when I looked at the photo I knew that Bella had thought the exact same thing I was. They were together long before we were. My stomach dropped through my butt and onto the floor, how Bella had been coping with her desertment was astounding, but really it was obvious that she wasn't coping very well. Her heart was breaking all over again, the invisible stitches she had slowly sown together were being torn apart.

Everyone else in the room was slowly putting all the pieces together and were radiating various emotions. Hate, sadness, sorrow, care even guilt. I wondered for a second about the guilt and decided to ask about it later. "Bella dear, whats the matter?" Esme asked with care colouring her voice. No response. Bella continued to rock herself backwards and forwards muttering the same line over and over to herself. Esme was clearly hurt that she got no response but understanding under toned her emotions clearly expecting nothing less. Then Emmett decided he could help her, Emmett walked forward to Bella and placed his hand on her shoulder and opened his mouth to speak but didnt get very far when Bella stood up quicker than Id ever seen and hit his hand away. What happened next scared everyone, even me.

"DONT TOUCH ME AGAIN! HAVENT YOU DONE ENOUGH?! YOUR A LIAR, YOU LIED TO ME! DONT TOUCH!" she yelled with eyes bloody red glassing over and before any of us could react she threw herself out the window and across the field and into the forest. So here we all are, rooted to the carpet with masks of shock permanetly glued to our faces. At least three minutes passed before any of us spoke. "She's not moving on like we thought she was," Carlise evaluated. I nodded my head, "'er emotions' were somethin' I never ha' experienced before" I said with a shudder. Everyone turned to look at me, presumably because I havent spoke without my accent in decades. Once everyone felt the urge to stop staring at me Carlise spoke again, "we need to calm her down and get her back." We all nodded at this but none of us knowing who to go. "I will," I volunteered. "Yes, yes. That would be best..." Carlise trailed off. He walked over to me, patted my back and walked out. Everyone felt the need to be alone until I came back with Bella.

As Esme was about to leave she gave me a tight hug and whispered in my ear, "please, please be careful. I can't stand to lose anymore of my children." I nodded and walked over to the window Bella had just broken. I closed my eyes and stepped out, height no longer being a problem. It then occurred to me that I had no idea where Bella would go, I knew that he often took her to some meadow in the forest but I doubt that she would go there. By now the sun was starting to set and it was getting dark, it wasn't a problem but it just made me uncomfortable. I closed my eyes once more and inhaled deeply, and caught Bellas' scent. He had always described it as a freesia and strawberry smell, which was true but hardly. Those smells inter-weaved with the dominant coconut, vanilla and cinnamon it was possibly one of the best smelling aromas I had smelt in years. Last time I had smelt something that appealing lets just say it didnt end well. I didn't have a huge problem with my thirst but it was still uncomfortable.

I let my legs guide me through the foliage weaving in and out of the trees, even up the trees. After about half an hour of roaming I had travelled far over town to Bellas' house, this was bad. If she had come back here she may be seen, which wouldnt go over to well with anyone. I crept to the back of the house staying in the trees until I could see a dark womanly outline, Bella wasn't thin but she wasn't fat either she was much more womanly and shorter than the other females in our family. I debated internally whether or not I should approach because this just seemed eeiry, she was just standing there out the back of her house staring up at it. I finally decided that it was why I came here so I slowly walked over to her until I was two feet behind her. "Darlin', it's Jasper. Are you okay, you gav' us all qui' a scare before." I spoke quietly scared to say too much. Bella just stood there staring up at the house, her body rigid. I walked slowly around her until I was face to face with her, well face to chest.

Her eyes were dead, there was no longer a red glint behind her big eyes. They were void of all emotions, completely lifeless. This scared me, I couldnt feel her emotions she was cutting them off from me. I bent my knees so I could see eye to eye with her, "Bella darl', please speak ta me. Ya scarin' me." I said laying the Southern accent on thick hoping to draw her back. I heard Bella muttering something that I barely recognised. "Nothing in his life became him like the leaving it; he died as one that had been studied in his death to throw away the dearest thing he owed" she said with defeat. "_He_ left," she spoke with much pain. "_He_ lied, _he_ told me he never would unless it was for the best. I guess she was the best," Bella said with a sigh. My heart broke for her, Edward and Alice both manipulated her. I never really got along with Edward because he was so possessive and needy so I didn't feel his loss as much as Bella did. She lost her best friend and a lover.

It didnt even occur to me that she also had the death of her father hanging over her head, this girl had so much going on. "Did ya want ta go in?" I asked quietly hoping not to get a ear full. She nodded morosely and walked to the back door. She lent against the door framed and a panel of wood popped out revealing a set of keys, I smiled at the Swans' secret hiding spot then swallowed at the grief this house would probably bring Bella. She opened the door and looked back at me silently asking if I was going to follow, I gave a small nod and followed her in. Her house was so Bella, it was simple and showed signs of love and nurture. I immediately felt at home. I walked slowly behind Bella presumably continuing to her room. Along the way I saw lots of pictures of Bella in her childhood and picked up a few thinking she would like to keep a little bit of her past. We got to her room and I followed in after her, taking in her scentless room. No one had been in here in at least two months, it was saddening. Two incredibly dead creatures in a dead house. How ironic.

I walked over to her empty bookcase wondering where all the books had gone too, from what it appeared Bella liked to read. "Under the bed," Bella whispered while reaching up above the wardrobe to grab a suitcase. I raised an eyebrow and looked under the bed where several things had started to collect dust, including a large box titled "Books". He had made her not want to read again, he just seemed to ruin everything didn't he? I placed the box on top of Bellas' small single bed, and noticed a small white card sitting on her pillow. I picked it up and turned it over and over in my hands, clearly the writing was Edwards' but the message was something I could not understand. All it read was simply "Soon," I decided against showing it to Bella as she too would recognise the writing. I looked up at Bella who was busy shifting through her wardrobe clearly deciding what clothes to pack into the suitcase.

"Why not bring them all?" I asked curiously. She slowly turned to look at me with a vacant expression on her face, I looked to her hands and noticed she had two shirts in her hands holding them up to me. I realised she was silently asking me which one, "The red one." I said. "But why not both Bella?" I asked again. I was silently begging her to reply, her deafening silence was scaring me. She looked at me like it was obvious. "If I take them all, it will be suspcious," she mumbled then turned back to the wardrobe. This made sense but it broke my heart that she couldnt take everything she wanted. I walked over to her side and turned to face her, "want me ta help ya, darl'?" I drawled softly. All she did was shrug her shoulders and continued choosing between two pairs of jeans, a holey light blue pair and straight dark blue pair. "The holes," I said quietly hoping for a response. She simply nodded agreeing with me, then placed the folded jeans into her suitcase. I looked up to her wardrobe and noticed that almost half it was left. It was so sad to see her life left behind.

"Do you need me to get anything for you?" I asked moving to her desk. I picked up her old orange macbook and old blue iPod and walked over to place them in her suitcase. I figured she would like to keep her music and computer with her, we could always stage a robbery or something if it became a problem. She nodded when she noticed me putting them in the suticase and continued over to her drawers. She pulled the first one open and quickly shut it, then she opened the second one and pulled out a dark cobalt book that I assumed was her diary. She sat it on top of the laptop and walked out of the room not saying a word. I followed her earnestly wondering where she was heading. She turned the corner and paused at a old door with its white paint peeling of in various spots, it then occurred to me that this was her fathers room. I feared that this would send Bella into another spiral of depression but she proved me wrong when she suddenly pushed open the door and walked straight in to the bedside table.

She picked up a small wooden photo frame and let out a small sob, I walked over to her and looked over her shoulder. In the photo was a slightly younger Charlie and a woman who looked similar as to what Bella did now but there was a glint of happiness in her eyes that was no longer present in Bellas'. Wrapped up in yellow blankets was a small child with big brown doe eyes and the palest of skins, it then occurred to me that this was Bella, the beautiful woman in front of me. Her eyes were shimmering with tears that would never fall, and I reached out to touch her shoulder. She jumped back from my touch and gave a out a small yelp, "sorry," she whispered. Bella walked over to the set of drawers near the window and opened the third drawer pulling out an old grey sweatshirt. She held it to her face and breathed in the scent of her fathers' old police academy shirt. From across the room I could strongly smell Charlies' scent of sandalwood, tea leaves and oak it was such a homey smell I could feel comfortable whenever I smelt it.

"Bella darl', hav' ya gotten everythin ya'll need?" I asked quietly, making my way slowly out of the room. "Yes, Im ready," Bella whispered following me out of her fathers' room. I walked back into her room and held my hands out for her fathers' belongings, before putting them in with the rest of the photos, clothes and her laptop and ipod. I zipped it up and picked it up heading down the stairs after making sure Bell was following behind me with her books. I went back out the back door and stopped near a tree while Bella locked the door and hung up the keys again. She met me by the tree and we walked in silence to the fringe of the forest where we continued on back to the house. I suddenly felt a wave of nervousness and looked at Bella wondering why of all emotions she sent me nervousness. I decided to ignore it and kept walking slowly by her side, wondering what she was thinking of. We had walked around for five more minutes when she stopped near a large moss covered boulder and sat down and sighed.

"How do you do it?" she said with defeat. I was confused and unsure of what she was talking about so I walked over to her and placed the suitcase on the ground, and bending down to her level. "What darlin'?" I asked sending her my confusion. "Living, well what we are reduced to. How can you stand to live when you know the things that were most important to you are gone, and that _they'll_ never come back no matter how hard you try." Bella said finally looking up at me. I honestly didnt know what to say in response to that, I couldnt remember a time when I wanted someone to come back because I never had anyone when I was human. I wanted to pull her in and console her but I had a bad feeling giving her a hug would give a similar response as to when Emmett touched her shoulder.

"Bella, ya need ta keep strong, for Esme, for Carlise, for Charlie," I whispered the last part as not to upset her. "Charlie would wan' ya to keep ya'll hope strong, if not for him but for yourself," I said pushing out as much courage to her as I could manage. "I dont know how Jasper, what am I supposed to do?" she dry sobbed with the most gutwretching look on her face. She sat there crying tears that would never fall, "Just take it one step at a time darl'", I said looking into her eyes that suddenly held so much depth. "I feel so bad, if I never fell in love with _him_ Charlie would still be alive, how am I supposed to live with that?" she wailed. "Shhh, Bella. It's startin' ta rain again we need ta get your stuff back before dawn. Someone will probably come looking for ya at Charlies' house and I wouldn't want ya to feel that much physical pain just of yet." I said standing up brushing the dirt off my knees.

Bella slowly got up and brushed moss off her pants and picked up the box full of books. She had cut off her emotions again as we walked slowly back to the Cullens' in the rain. Her blocking her emotions from me was really starting to bother me, it basically concluded that she was hiding something really bad and it worried me alot. We were nearly back at the house when I heard my phone beep so I placed the suitcase down and checked it.

_"Where are yous? Are you okay, do you need help?  
__- Rose __xo__"_

I closed the phone without replying because it seemed pointless because we were almost there anyway. "That was just Rose wondering where we were," I said hoping to get Bella to open up again but I wasnt that lucky. All Bella did was nod and continued to walk at a slow pace. I sighed and picked up the bag and followed after her again, going through the clearing to the house. When we reached the river Bella jumped over gracefully as if she had been a vampire for decades rather then days, I shook my head and followed suit. I could feel the emotions of the rest of the family and I knew that they shouldnt be standing around waiting for Bella as it would probably only scare her more. I could feel endless amounts of worry so I sent them back some worry hoping theyd get the drift that they should go away for awhile. I heard a few steps retreat upstairs and I some more going to the living room, I figured it was Emmett because I could soon heard the sound of buttons being hit a little too hard.

We walked up the steps to the front door, me taking the lead. I looked back at Bella but was met with only a blank stare so I opened the door slowly going back inside the house. I heard several sighs radiate from the house at our arrival but this didnt make me feel anymore happier to be home, it still provided memories of Alice which I was trying to repress. I still loved her but not in the same way as cliche as that sounds, we had been together for years but we hadnt really been together for years. We just lost our spark, so to speak. Then on top of that I always had the feeling that her and Edward shared something more than just remarkable gifts, all the hunting trips she refused to join me on and would only go with Edward suddenly became so obvious I felt stupid.

"Hey there!" Emmett boomed from the lounge room with too much enthusiasm. "Hey Em," I called softly back following Bella back up to her room to place her belongings down. I entered her room and saw her almost immediately start unpacking her clothes into the small but beautiful wardrobe in front of her. "Bella, if ya feel you want a bigger wardrobe or more clothes dont hesitate in buying it. I know Carlise gave ya a credit card and I know that ya'll use it a couple times to make him happy but buy something that will make you happy for once. You dont need to be so selfless all the time, you need a bookcase anyway." I grinned. Bella nodded slowly and went back to unpacking her clothes and belongings. I gave her a shot of famial love and turned to leave when I heard her whisper, "Thanks". "Anytime sweetheart," I whispered back before leaving the room.

I walked down to Carlises' study and knocked before entering the big room. "Hello son, how did it go?" Carlise asked as soon as I shut the door, as this was the only soundproof room in the house. Even though we all wish that Emmetts' and Roses' was, maybe I should suggest that at the next family meeting, I chuckled at that thought. I sat down in the comfy arm chair across from his desk and tried to gather my thoughts. "She's not okay, I don't know how long it will take for 'er to be 'ole again but she is broken. She has found a way to block 'er emotions from me, and this scares me. She has to be hidin' something horrible to want to 'ide them," I said in Major mode. Carlise nodded but I could feel his fear beneath it all. "Where did she go?" Carlise finally asked. "'er house, she wanted to collect some of 'er belongings, she wouldn't take many because she thought it would be suspicious if people came to the house to investigate," I said all while Carlise was nodding.

"She took some clothes, 'er books which were already packed away, and some other things like photos, 'er laptop, ipod your know just stuff about her human life," I rambled. My expression darkened, "she also took 'er fathers shirt, she misses him so much. If she wasnt a vampire I swear she wouldnt have stopped crying for days. She was all he had and now she feels guilty about his death. If I ever get my hands on Edward, I swear he wont see another sunset," I growled. "Jasper," Carlise sighed. He felt his absence nearly as much as Bella did, he was his first companion and he personally felt like he had failed. "Carlise, dont "Jasper" me. He killed her father, one of two blood relatives she had left. Her mother may be in danger, if her mother died so would she. Bella is so broken I dont know if she will survive this." I said with sadness. Bella always seemed so strong, always able to stand up to the weight on her shoulders. I guess she just couldnt handle it anymore, so she crumbled.

Carlise looked so defeated when I looked into his eyes, I guess he only wanted everything to be normal again. His emotions were telling be of how he longed to be a family again, I felt so bad for him. I leant forward and placed my hand on his, "dont worry dad, everythin' will work out eventually," I said with a weak grimace. He nodded and turned his head to stare out the window, "You should help her, you would be good for her. You are the only the who is remotely close to what she is feeling," he said facing back to me. I nodded and left the room quickly, eager to see if Bella wanted a hunt. I walked to her room then stopped outside her door, floored by the emotions she was feeling. Regret, hurt, worthlessness, depression. I fell to my knees with pain, her emotions were so strong I wasn't even sure she know she was projecting. I stood back up slowly and knocked on her door, she didnt reply so I entered straight in. She didnt acknowledge my presence, so I walked closer to her.

She was sitting in the window seat with her arms wrapped around her knees hugging them close to her body. Her head was resting on the top of her knees as she was watching the raindrops race down the window. The sight looked so sad, if I were human I would have cried. I looked over to her bed side and saw that she set up some of the photos we took back from her house. There was one I remembered from the spring break where we all went for a picnic up in the mountains, we were all huddled together Esme and Carlise with their arms around each other, Rose on Emmetts back with matching Cheshire Cat grins on their face. Emmett had his arm over Bellas shoulder where she stood with a small smile playing on her lips. Behind Bella I stood with my hand resting on nothing the frame interupting the photo. I picked up the photo and took off the back, Bella had cut the photo so that Alice where my hand ended was no longer there, where Edward once sat at their feet. She had removed them from the family photo just as easily as they did.

I put the back back on and sat it down back in its place. I walked over to Bella and sat at her feet trying to catch her attention. Her face was just as empty as it had been when we arrived home. I listened closely and realised that she was singing softly under her breathe the most sweetest tune,

_Mmm__, what you say?__  
Mm, that you only meant well? Well, of course you did.  
__Mmm__, what you say?__  
Mm, that it's all for the best? Ah of course it is.  
__Mmm__, what you say?__  
Mm, that it's just what we need? And you decided this.  
__Mmm__ what you say?__  
What did she say?_

Her voice was so sweet that it turned the most saddest song even more beautiful. I snapped out of my reverie and decided she needed to get moving. "Bella darl', you need to hunt. Would you care to join me?" I said as gentlemanly possible standing up offering my hand to her. I waited a minute for her to think until she stood up not taking my hand and slowly crossed the room. I sighed and followed after her down the hallway, where you could hear everyone in their respective rooms whispering to their mate. Everyone was clearly worried about Bella but they didnt want to trigger another reaction like before in Alices' room. I couldnt no longer call it my room knowing that she and Edward has most likely desecrated it with their distrust. I often wondered where they had gone too, but I had to keep telling myself not to care as I would be setting myself up for a world of pain.

Bella walked straight out the front door without saying a word and walked slowly accross the lawn to the waters edge, I softly closed the behind me as a small gesture that the rest of the family could come out of their rooms now. I watched as she gracefully jumped across the river and broke out into a small jog into the forest fringe. I used my vampire speed to catch up to her quickly and trailed behind her, but I thought maybe I should take the lead so that if we ran into any humans I could prevent her from attacking. I was feeling quite bad about the whole situation, Bella always was such a good person who always put others before her and now it had been thrown in her face. I felt so guilty and bad for her but then suddenly all was calm and I felt much more relaxed then I was before. This freaked me out so I spun around quickly trying to find out what had done that but there was only Bella in the area so I looked into her dulling red eyes that were full of confusion and shrugged it off.

We jogged for around ten more minutes when we both smelt an animal, I knew that it was a mountain lion but she didn't so her body went tense at anticipation. "It's just an animal Bella, dont freak," I reassured her. "Could you tell me what it is?" I asked softly. She closed her eyes and smelt deeply then all of a sudden her eyes snapped open and her hands curled in defence. "Mountain lion," she hissed between her teeth. She continued to amaze me with her scent recognition. "How so?" I asked pushing for information. "It smells like _him_," she growled through her clenched teeth, "oh", was my witty response. "It smells like honeysuckle and elderberries, then theres a stench of raw evil. It doesn't have a particular but its _him_," she whispered quietly to no one in particular. She had forgotten I was here. I figured that she would rather not eat mountain lion so I walked into a different direction away from it. We walked to a small clearing with a tiny lake to catch a few deer, thought Bella hadnt spoken again. We both felt it before we saw it, we heard a low grumble come from behind us. Bella dropped her small deer suddenly and looked at me for guidance.

I nodded my head to her encouraging her on towards the grizzly bear. She ran out fast to the bear who didnt see her coming as it was too preoccupied with the deer carcases. Bella jumped into the tree above its head and fell onto his back and latched her teeth into his thick neck before he could take another breath. She was so majestic while hunting, she didnt go for stealth, she in a way played with her food like Emmett but she was still sutle about it. She drained the bear almost instant and let it dropped at her feet, landing gracefully back on the rocks. She gave me a weak smile and started to dig holes for the bodies without asking me to help. I figured she wanted to show me how she was coping when we both knew that it was a lie. Since Bella was trying to show me she better she must have been getting a tiny bit better because she wanted to make everyone around her happy but I still didnt believe her, her emotions were her biggest betrayer. Her heart was broken into tiny microscopic pieces that under a magnifying glass showed every razor sharp edge waiting to cut who ever trying to put it back together. But deep inside me I was willing to take that risk, because if that were me I would want someone willing to do that for me. In a weird way, Bella was my idol. I looked up to her because she was so broken but was still trying to shove her pieces back together for everyone else. I wish that I could be that selfless. Bella truly was a unique creature, not just in her looks but her personality shown through everything. I watched Bella from a distance picking out the differences now that she was a vampire. She was slightly taller, but not by much maybe 3 inches taller than Alice. Her hair had grown those few extra inches going from just below her breast to her abdomen. The red highlights were more noticeable as well as the dull light brown shimmers in the sun. Overall she still looked as beautiful as before, she was just more defined.

As I come back to reality I realised that Bella was watching me with a raised eyebrow waiting to go. She immediately dropped her head, her hair cascading over her face hiding herself from me. "Lets go home," I said turning and leaving the clearing. I felt her footsteps behind me dragging slowly then I realised something that might give her a pick up. I turned around and nearly collided with her, I gave a grin and stepped back. "Let race back," I asked with a mischievous grin. Bella looked shocked and started to mumble, "I dont know Jasper I dont really-" then she ran off ahead of me. I was so shocked, what a little cheater. I chased after her dashing through the forest, barrelling over trees. I could hardly see her in front of me, even without her newborn speed she was going to be fast. Probably faster than Edward. As we were reaching the house Bella turned near the river facing me with a small smug smile playing on the edge of her full lips. "Sorry Jasper, it was my turn to cheat though," she said in a small voice and walked off.

I stood there in awe of what just happened, Bella just confessed she cheated and compared it to Edward. She was so out of line, she should never compare herself to him. I stood out on the grass for at least five minutes until I heard her door shut and a soft playing of music start. I shook my head and went inside and straight up to my new room I had claimed soon after Alice left. The room strangely felt like home, home as in Texas. It was painted a dusty yellow orange with dark wood furniture pushed to the sides. I had a small couch that was floral patterned near the window for when I felt like being alone. I went over to the corner of my room and picked up my guitar, the one real possession I had kept since my human life. I hadnt played it in decades, Alice always told me it was annoying and that she preferred instruments like piano, I guess I know why. Its a fairly standard acoustic guitar, but the neck was decorated with a vine-flower-like pattern. I smiled to myself, it used to be my mothers which she designed herself.

Hell, it was a bit girly but it kept me in touch with my roots. Before long I was trying out different chord progressions and seeing which fit untill I found one that was just right, then I started to hum in my head words. I didnt need to write them down, I would remember them for all my existance. That was one thing I was thankful for, I remembered everything, but then again it could be bad I thought shuddereing remembering the time I forgot to knock on Emmetts' door one time. I would never forget that. I was stuck on a line so I went put my guitar over my shoulder and walked down the house and into the back yard and sat on a bench sheltering me from the rain. I sat there for half an hour just thinking of what to put in words when I felt someone sit on the grass in front of me. I opened my eyes and smiled.

"Hello Bella." She nodded and gave a small smile. "What are you playing?" she asked quietly. I decided to just tell the truth. "To be honest Bella, I wrote a song for you. You are in a way my idol, I wrote this for whenever you need a pick me up," I said quieter than her. She was shocked to say the least. Her eyes gave a small sparkle and gave a week smile, "Can I hear it?" I nodded, "but its not perfect, Im a bit rusty," I warned. She nodded once more before I started to strum out a slow intro. "Im not the best singer either," I said with a chuckle.

_"She walks like rain, gliding gracefully.  
She keeps her head low, scared of the world.  
but what she can never see,  
is the way she has me held._

_she is so strong,  
but will never see it.  
oh boy is she wrong,  
how hard she can hit._

_she is so selfless,  
like you would never know.  
but she can be so helpless,  
her emotions can bring me low._

_if your met such a person,  
you would never be the same.  
my respect for her would never lessen,  
she would never seek fame._

_she is a __Godess__,__  
sent from above.  
he was so heartless,  
not worth her love."_

I finally looked up at Bella to see tears shimmering around her eyes with a smile on her face. I gave her a smile back just glad she enjoyed it. Her emotions were going haywire, she was sending out so much thankfulness and content that I thought I was going to explode. She got up and sat next to me giving me a sideways hug, "thank you," she mumbled into my side sending out love. I gave her a tight squeeze back, and sat my guitar down. What she said next shocked me. "I want to get better, not just for you guys. But for myself, I wont let him destroy my life. I want to live again," she said never raising her head. "Thats great," I replied and thats all I said as we sat there and watched the rain.

**Hope you liked it, if anyone is really interested I have pictures of their products and shiz on my profile so feel free to look.**

**Now remember, reviews make a happy author who wont make the Cullen guys gay.**

**OHH and thanks to Sinvisigoth, your review made me smile for AGES! 'PS. Could you make "two of them gay instead of just one? I would love to see Emmett and Carlisle prancing around in pink frocks and singing I'm a Barbie Girl to each other while comparing nail varnish colours :D" BEST REVIEW YET. You should also read their "Broken Saints" and "Supercharged" they are really good.**

**- Echo : )**


	9. Chapter 9

**Well, here it is the bitch of a chapter I finally smashed out. Im not sure I am happy with it. Sorry it took longer but our internet decided not to work for ages. Well tomorrow (when most of you will read this) I am going to my fathers for 2 weeks (29th Jan I will be back) in the holidays so I will not update in them probably but I would appreciate everyone to still review and such and I will not be updating until I have reached at least 80 reviews, im serious this time. I usually receive like 4-7 a chapter and thats a little depressing, even if you tell me that i need to make it more depressing/funnier etc ill take that on board and it will be greatly appreciated. I can still read them on my phone and reply but I cant actually write or make reviews or add to favourites or anything :(**

**And Sinvisigoth, I really think that Carlises' pink lacy boyshorts look just like this: www. goldenpointonline. com/ public/images/2259. jpg and yes they do match! But Emmett is jealous so he went out and bought a pair of bright red fuck me pumps!! :D**

**Enjoy my lovelies. xo.**

**Chapter 9**

**Bella POV**

Things are easier said than done.

So a day when you've lost yourself completely  
could be a night when your life ends,  
such a heart that will lead you to deceiving.

Faking my own death was something I hadnt really ever considered before, to be honest it was probably one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. For me, it basically symbolised the last of my human life. Watching my rusted red Chevy ute fall over the cliff and smash into the rocks at the bottom was difficult. We waited until a day with a few cars driving past, so there would be witnessess. Esme put on a brown wig and drove my car, as I couldnt do it myself. The rest of the family watched from the forrest edges as she drove past a navy blue Toyota Camery and hit the wet road wrongly. The Camery halted to a brake and the middle aged male ran out of his car and ran to the cliffs edge. Esme jumped out of my ute before it hit the bottom and dove gracefully into the water keeping below the surface and swimming north up the beach and circling back to us. The man watched as my ute sunk to the bottom of the ocean and a few of my placed clothing floated to the top of the water.

We watched as the man pulled out his cell phone with a grim face and started to dial 911 with shakey fingers. The operator picked up almost immediately as he rose the phone to his ear. "Hello, Emergency Services what service do you require?" a young woman spoke through the phone clearly. "I-I need a police car to the cliffside just between Forks and La Push, its about five minutes from Forks. I just witnessed a carcrash," he spoke unsteadily. "Should we send a Ambulance as well then?" the operator asked confused. "No, she drove right off the cliff,  
by accident." He said softly. "Do you know who it was then?" she asked interested. "It was that girl the police are looking for, the one whose father died. The Swan girl I think, Betty or something," he said unsure. "Bella Swan?" she replied. "Yes, thats her, Im certain." "A police unit is on their way, not long now," then she hung up. We sat there and waited for the police, they were about three minutes later and jumped out of their car quickly and ran over to the cliff face just as the man had done.

The police took one look over the ledge and saw a few remaining air bubbles surface to the water and they took their hats off as a sign of respect. I wanted to cry, I honestly did. The Swan name had been erased from the small rainy town of Forks. I held onto Jaspers' arm with one arm leaning against him slightly, I could barely smell the blood of the men over by the cliff, the rain masking their sweet scent. A dripping wet Esme walked behind me and placed a hand on my shoulder, the touch of others besides Jasper still make me feel uncomfortable. Like they were planning on hurting me, I shook slightly at the touch and she removed her hand. "Are you okay Bella?" Esme asked quietly. I nodded and wrapped my arms around my body, this felt morbid. I was watching my own death sentence. The police officers slowly placed their hats back on their heads and walked over to the man who had the burden of witnessing my death. ''Hello, Sargent Davies," a tall blonde officer said shaking his hand in the mans. "Matt Warner," he said quietly. I felt bad for him.

Sargent Davies then got a recount of what had happened and they bid their farewells before they parted their separate ways. Davies got in his car with his partner who had not spoken since arriving and sat there for a minute while Matt Warner drove away. "Who do we inform? Charlie is gone," Davies said sadly. The other man with short ginger hair shrugged his shoulders, and looked out the window near the direction of Forks. "Rich, come on he was your partner didn't he ever speak of her?" Davies pressed. Oh. "The Cullens," Rich mumbled and remained looking out the window. We looked at each other and Carlise nodded, we all ran back to the Cullens' in minutes not speaking. Emmett, Rose,  
Jasper and I went upstairs and pretended not to be there because really I was dead, and they were in college. By now the story of Alice and his disappearance raised many questions. Carlise told his workmates that they had been contacted by their real parents and went to spend the remainer of the senior year with them in England.

Many people assummed thats why I went "missing", how ironic. Esme pretended to be cooking dinner in the kitchen as it was 6:38 now and Carlise was "getting ready" for his night shift at the hospital, which he wouldnt actually be going to once the police men arrived. We only had to wait 15 minutes before they arrived. We were waiting in the upstairs family room, Rose and Emmett were sitting on the loveseat playing noughts and crosses, Jasper was sitting in the recliner reading a Civil War book with a look of disgust on his face and I was sitting in the corner on my laptop looking for a bookcase. We heard a loud knock at the door, even though everyone in the house already knew they were here. My heart race picked up, would they go for soft and caring on straight to the point. I felt a wave of calm and smile up at Jasper. "Mrs Cullen, is your husband here? We need to talk to you for a moment," Davies said grimly. "Of course dear, come in. Take a seat," Esme said politely. We listened intently as they walked from the foyer to the living room downstairs.

Carlises' footsteps padded softly down the steps and turned into where Esme and the officers where seated. "Is there something wrong?" Carlise said with worry colouring his voice. "Maybe you should take a seat Mr Cullen," Davies spoke quietly yet forcefully. "Carlise please," Carlise said sitting down. "This isn't going to be easy to say," soft and caring. "Bella has been in a car crash, she drove off a cliff. She didn't make it," Davies said quickly. I heard Esme and Carlise intake their unnessary breaths and Esme started to sob into Carlise shoulder. Carlise remained silent and patted Esmes' knee. "When?" Carlise managed choking slightly. "About half an hour ago," Davies sighed. Esme sobbed again and stood up, "I-I, sorry," she mumbled incoherantly and left the room. She made her way upstairs to the room and she came and sat near me, not next to me but near me. I had placed down the laptop and sat with my arms around my chest. We all gave Esme a weak smile as her watery eyes started to dry. Carlise rose and walked to the front door.

"Our family will take care of the funeral arrangements and let the town know soon," Carlise said grimly. "Im sorry for this tradegy," Davies mumbled and left his car making small noises on the dirt path. We all made our way down to Carlise in the living room sitting around the coffee table. We were silent for ten minutes no one knowing what to say. "Soo," Emmett said stretching out his limbs. Rose laughed at that and before long everyone was laughing, I even gave a small chuckle. "When will it be?" I asked suddenly. I didn't really speak that much, not that I did before but I could understand why it caught everyone except Jasper off gaurd. "Well, we need to give a few days to make up for Jasper, Rose and Emmett travelling back. So maybe next week?" Carlise said softly looking right at me. "Yeah, sounds good," I mumbled. "I only want it small, you guys, Jake and his dad, Angela, Mike, Eric, Jess, my mother and Phil. Oh crap, mum." I sighed. I rubbed my temples in frustration and looked up at everyone, they all had matching frustrated looks on their faces.

"Carlise, your going to have to call her," I groaned. Carlise nodded stiffly and left the room to make the call. I was lost in my own thoughts and calmed myself. I looked up to the others and they seemed calm now too. "I want it where I "died"," I said using my fingers to make quote marks. I got an idea, "everyone should throw flowers in the water," I said with a small smile. Everyone returned a small smile as we discussed flower options, we decided on Forget-Me-Nots and white Orchids from the family. I didnt want anyone to make a speech either, I just wanted it to be short seeing as I would be home alone for the funeral. The Cullens' also wanted to place a plaque on the cliff side, which I let. Jasper also said that they would probably put a rail along cliff line now. We were discussing what to put on the plaque when Carlise came in. He had a grave look on his face and sat down on the couch opposite from the one I was sitting in. "How did she take it?" I asked grimly.  
"Not very well, shes on the first plane here with Phil."

"As soon I said it was me she knew something was wrong, seeing as the last time we spoke it was in Pheonix when you were in the hospital,"  
Carlise added. I nodded. "Did she say anything else?" I asked hestinately. Carlise looked uncomfortable and nervous for a minute. "She also wasnt aware that Charlie has erm, pasted away. Once she calmed down after I explained your death she asked why Charlie wasnt the one making the call, that sent her into more tears. She quickly said that she would be here as soon as possible then hung up," Carlise said looking at his feet. "Oh" was all I could say. "I feel horrible," I muttered. "I wish I could just say sorry before I disappear forever," I said with a small smile. Everyone said the usual "dont feel sorry, its not your fault"'s and that gave me an idea. "Would it be okay if I wrote in my diary and left it at my house and mum kept it?" I asked Carlise. He gave me a raised eyebrow, so I continued. "You know like have the usual,  
explain what happens in my day and have a recent one saying that I loved her?" I said hestinately. "I think that would be a great idea Bella," Carlise said giving me a smile. I gave a small grin and did a mental happy dance.

I then decided I would do that now, I excuse myself from the room and went to my own. I picked up my diary from the beside and started to write an entry. I actually hadnt wrote in it since before my birthday so that was okay.

"September 10th, 2009.  
I do not regret my decision to move to Forks, as much as I love and miss my mother it has lead me to great things like my new friends and my second family. My mother has raised me up well, she may not have been there for the great while and I may not have had as much time to experience my childhood but she prepared me for adulthood and for that I am thankful. I am happy she has met Phil, he will take care for her now that I am living in Forks. Phil is a great guy and he will do whatever it takes to make her happy. Moving to Forks has reconnected my connection with Charlie, it is now stronger than ever. I love him with all my heart and I can not believe that I refused to spend time with him as I was growing up, he really is the best father one could ask for. Living in Forks makes you realise how much you appreciate your family and how much they mean to you. From my Forks' family the Cullens' to my sunny Jacksonville family and to my father who gave up everything for the little girl he loved. I am glad that I moved to Forks because it made me realise how much I love my family."

I gave a small sniffle and realised what I had to do. I picked up my small over the shoulder patch work bag and put the diary inside. I walked downstairs to the rest of the Cullens' where Emmett and Jasper were playing the Xbox and Rose and Esme were designing something. I looked around and realised Carlise must be in his study arranging the funeral. I quickly said I was going for a walk and Jasper looking up me with a questioning look in his eyes and I shook my head. I needed to do this alone, no matter how much it hurt. I looked out the window and saw it was already dark and still drizzling, perfect. I walked out the door and ran to my house, well old house. I decided to do this quickly, I jumped up the tree to my bedroom and jumped in the room. I placed the diary on my night table opened to the entry I just wrote. I knew mum would come by some time and she would notice it, she was a sticky beak. I crawled out the window and shut it firmly. I jumped down and stood on the front lawn looking up at the house for probably the last time. This time tomorrow probably everyone in town would know I had "died".

From what I knew, Charlie was buried at the Cemetary in the special forces area for a special dedication to the Police of Forks. I slowly made my way over there and jumped over the main gate, visiting hours were long gone. I could see perfectly fine in the dark and followed the signs to the fenced off section. I walked through the aisles with a shudder in my spine, if I thought watching my "death" was morbid, this was very morbid. I could picture a monster jumping out in the dark, but really I was the only monster here. I quickly found the fenced off section and jumped that as well. I walked to the newest grave dug and crumbled. It was simple and perfectly Charlie. A small dark black granite tombstone with fresh flowers and the foot of the grave. I pressed my granite fingers into granite and traced the letters of his name over and over. If I were human I would have cried.

"Charles "Charlie" Swan April 22 1979 - November 15 2009 Devoted father, Respected Officer, Lover of Life.  
We will remember you"

I sat there for what couldve been hours and I really wouldnt have noticed. Time held no meaning. At least Charlie was in a safer place now,  
he wouldnt be caught in the world of mythical creatures. It would destroy him futher if he saw what I had become, planned or not. I looked down at my watch, crap it was nearly 10 o'clock, I left the Cullens at like 8. I knelt my head to the tomb and gave Charlie a kiss goodbye, not knowing when I would get to visit him again. I got up and jumped over the fence that lead into the forest. I pushed all my enegry outwards and pushed my legs further than I had run before. I leaped over rocks and swung from trees, pushing myself harder. I ran up a dismantled log and jumped into the air and felt myself fly. My legs did crazy bike pedalling actions in the air as I soared over the trees and came to a gracefull land not far from the Cullens'. I climbed up a tree and sat on the top branch, I wanted to fly again. I stood up slowly and estimated how far I could go, if I were correct I'd land on the tree near my bedroom window.

I stood up straight and bent at my knees, I got ready to jump and released the spring in my legs. I felt the wind whip my long hair behind me as I came closer and closer to the tree near my window. My lips curled over my lips and I let out a loud "Woo" as I came into contact with the tree. I moved along the branches and walked along the one to my window shimming it open and crawling inside. I walked over to the floor length mirror and realised that my clothes were shredded. I sighed and walked over to my closet. I picked out a white singlet that had a white checkered see throughish button-down flannel shirt and my light blue holey jeans. I walked out my room and down the hall to the bathroom,  
when I moved in Esme asked if I wanted a room with an ensuite but I refused profusely. I walked into the lime themed bathroom and set my clothes on the sink and started to undress. I looked down at my thighs and smile a little when I realised that the scars were no longer there, except for one scar I still have on my hand from when James bit me.

I picked up my iPod and set it in the speakers setting it to one of my playlists then started to run a bath. I poured in some cinnamon scented bath salts and stepped into the bath. I could no longer fell normal temperatures so I had only poured in hot water, causing most of the room to already fog up. I sighed as I lay down in the hot water which only seemed like a small warmth to me. I listened to the opening drum beats of The All American Rejects - Move Along and immediately felt relaxed. So relaxed I could belt it out, which is what I did. "Hands are shaking cold,  
these hands are meant to hold, speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong, move along-" "Bells, you got quite a loud voice I never knew you had," Emmett bellowed through the door. "GO AWAY EMMETT! IM TAKING A BATH!" I yelled back. "Can I join?" Emmett asked. "Ew no, go away before I send Rose up here to kick your arse!" I threatened. I heard Emmett loud footsteps running and I knew Rose heard me, "Thanks Rose," I called. "No problem," she yelled from the story below.

I stayed in the bath until the water turned cold enough for me not to feel it anymore, I grabbed a pale lime towel and dried off. I threw my hair up into a messy bun and put on my clothes. I went to my room to put some shoes on, I only brought a few pairs with me so I would probably buy some more soon. I could just borrow some of Alices' but I'd rather not. I decided just to throw on my brown cowboyish boots my mother had bought for me before moving to Forks. I tucked my jeans into them and went down stairs to find the others. I quickly ran downstairs and realised everyone but Jasper had gone to hunt because we went yesterday. I sighed, I was looking forward to spend some time with Rose.  
"Hey Jasper, do you know when they are coming back?" I asked. He looked up from his book and shrugged. I sat lazily across the recliner and stared at the ceiling. Jasper chuckled so I looked over to him with a raised eyebrow sending out confusion. "We match," he chuckled.  
I was so confused until I realised that he was wearing a blue flannel shirt over a white wifebeater and jeans and cowboy boots.

I gave a smile and sighed, realising he had once said that to me. Jasper realised my discomfort and gave me a shy smile. "Sorry darl'," he whispered. "Nah it's okay its just ergh, nevermind," I said what I hoped was flippantly. Jasper didnt look convinced so I tried to send out sincerity and honestly and he seemed to relax completely. "Okay then, nevermind. God I'm bored arent you?" Jasper said completely off topic from before. Too say I was shocked was an understatement, Jasper didnt seem like the type to give up easily and that got me wondering. "Hey Jasper?" I asked hestinately. "Mmm?" "How does your power work exactly? I mean I get you can read the emotions and you cant read why but can people like send them out deliberately and make you feel it? Not like feel their emotion but completely different?" I felt stupid. Jasper looked dumbfounded. "No, they would have to be an empath themself I guess. But no two powers are exactly alike ya know? Why?"  
Jasper said immediately interested. "Oh, I was just curious thats all." I said weakly.

I was starting to re-think over today, just before when I sent Jasper honesty and sincerity he seemed like he was getting the feelings not feeling them from me, because I wasn't actually being sincere. Then this afternoon I was feeling frustrated and when I looked up the whole family was frustrated, I didn't know that I was projecting but if I was would Jasper have only felt it. Argh. Im so confused right now. Jasper looked up from his book again, "God Bella, your confusion in making my head hurt. Tone done a little," he said joking. "Ha Ha," I said sarcasticly before returning to my thoughts. Maybe I was some sort of empath, but that seemed stupid. Everyone seemed to pick up their powers from some characteristic in their human life, I wasn't good at picking up on emotions and making people. Jasper was "charismic" when he was human, I was a horrible liar.

I got up from the chair and went up to my room to try and figure something out. I sat on the window seat and thought maybe I should try and test it out. Perhaps I could try projecting something to Jasper to see if he could feel it. I needed an emotion I could get a reaction out of from up here. Amusement maybe? I tried my best to project humour and amusement to Jasper but didnt get anything, I kept trying until I heard a small chuckle come from downstairs. My eyes widened wondering if I had done that. I decided to try fear. I closed my eyes and thought of scary things and tried my best to send them to Jasper. Not long after I thought of frogs Jasper ran into my room with wide eyes sweeping around frantically. "Did you hear that Bella? I think theres something in the house," Jasper said quickly. I was shocked, I really think I was doing something. "No Jasper? It's just your imagination." I said feigning innnonence and stopped sending fear. Jasper shook his head and ran his hand through his hand, "sorry", he mumbled before turning away.

I gave a small inward chuckle and thought of something devious that I would get in trouble for if I found out. Once I was sure Jasper had gone to his room to relax I crept out my window and leapt from trees around the house to a tree a few metres from Jaspers window without being in his eyesight. I looked at saw him laying on a couch with his arms behind his head relaxing. Not for long I thought with a grin on my lips. I felt like I was channeling Emmett at this moment. I sent wave after wave of small lust, then gradually made it more intense. I saw Jasper snap his eyes open which were black with lust. I gave a small smirk and sent the biggest tsunami of lust I could manage at him. His hands gripped the couch breaking a few frame bits, and looking around as if something in the room was the culprut. I sent another strong wave of lust and saw his pants tighten in the groin area and let out a small giggle before quickly jumping back to my room. I cant believe I just did that, what a irresponsible use of my power.

I tried to calm myself to make it appear I hadnt been up to no good. I picked up my laptop and started to surf the net for a bookcase seeing as I hadnt found one before. It took me a while before I found one that I actually liked and thought of getting. It was something I wouldnt consider getting because it was a bit expensive and outrageous but I really liked it. I was was white and it screwed to the wall around the door went up and over and continued to the other side and down. I rearranged my room so I could measure it so I could order the right size. I filled out the billers form and was told it would take a week working days. I looked at the clock on the computer and saw it was one in the morning, on the 13th of December. Wow, I died on the 12th of December. So close to Christmas, isn't that a lovely gift? Oh crap Christmas. What do I get the Cullens? Argh, I'll decide that later. I shut down my laptop and went downstairs past his piano which was now covered in dust strangely enough. I guess Esme didnt want to go near it.

Childish of me I know but I couldnt resist writing "E.C sucks!" on it. I giggled to myself and walked into the longue room the same time Jasper did. If it didnt know it, Jasper looked embarressed. Then I remembered he got a boner only four rooms away from me, I had to keep a straight face though otherwise he would know something was up. I dont know why but I didnt want to tell him I could make him feel emotions. It just seemed wrong, it was his power and I kind of stole it. It was weird, he said it himself. There is no way someone gets the same power. Jasper mumbled a "hey Bella," and went to watch tv. Yep, he was embarressed. I wanted to laugh but it would give me away. I wanted to figure out what this thing was before I go blabbing about it. I went to sit down just as Rose, Em, Esme and Carlise came home. "Hey guys," I said quietly as they were coming in. "Have a nice hunt?" Jasper asked meekly from the lounge room.

How funny that Jasper was acting even more shy than usual, it was hilarious. Jasper shot a quick glance at me feeling my humour. Oh shit.  
Should I try and calm him down? I thought of calming thoughts, butterflies, a cool breeze, open meadows. I sighed to myself. How pleasant,  
wish I could be in an oen meadow and feel the breeze on my skin. "It was okay, we had to leave early. Emmett thought he would be funny to stir up the bears so they started to chase us and we ran into a river by mistake as you can see," Rose said clearly pissed waving her body over all their wet clothes.

"I said I was sorry Rose," Emmett pouted. "No sex for a month Emmett McCarty Cullen, these were my favourite jeans, now that smell like fish and seaweed," Rosalie growled. "Thats not fair! If they were your favourite you shouldnt have worn them hunting!" Emmett retorted. "My favourite HUNTING jeans Emmett, you tool!" she spat. Wow, they sounded mad. I wasnt sure whether they were serious or not. Luckily Carlise stepped in. "Kids, please dont fight. Your giving me a headache," Carlise sighed. Rose and Emmett both glared at him. Without knowing it I sent out as much calm as I push onto everyone in the room.

"Thanks Jazz, that made me feel better," Rosalie thanked Jasper. Jaspers' eyes popped. Everyone nodded and I stood there realising the mistake I just made. Oh shit, they were about to find out. "I didn't do anything though," Jasper frowned. Oh shit, oh shit. Everyone was as shocked as Jasper, I tried to fake shock but I dont know how believing I looked.

"Who would it have been then?" Esme asked. "Im not sure, but my emotions have been spazzing up all night, first I couldnt stop chuckling, then I was scared out of my mind and then-" Jasper trailed of clearly not wanting everyone to hear about his boner. "It been like that ever since you left when it was just me and Bella-" Jasper cut off looking a me but couldnt reach my eyes as I had looked away very quickly. I was fucked. I felt all their eyes turn to me.

"What? Why is everyone looking at Bella like she's some alien? I dont get it," Emmett said clearly not catching on. I ducked my head ashamed.  
"How are you doing it Bella? Are you doing it?" Jasper asked with a panicy tone. "I dont know, maybe. I think so," I whispered not looking at anyone. "I dont know why either so dont ask. I just could." I added. Everyone was still staring at me, but hell I would be too.

"But thats Jaspers' power, you cant have the same power," Rose insisted as if that would make them disappear. "I know, I dont know whats wrong with me," I mumbled. "Do it again Bella, do it again!" Emmett clapped. So I sent him a wave of sadness. He crawled to his knees and started sobbing. "Im sorry Rose! Forgive me, I will buy you some new jeans," he crying holding onto her wet jeans crying. Everyone was still gasping. I stopped his sadness.

Emmett stood up quickly clearly ashamed. "Wow," was all he said. I gave a small smile, at least I didnt give him lust like Jasper got. Which was when Jasper realised I had sent him the lust this night. "So it was you sending me emotions tonight?" he asked beyond embarressed.  
I nodded not trusting my voice. "All of the emotions?" he asked wide eyed. I nodded again. Jasper would be ten shades of red if he were human, even to put my blush to shame.

"Oh," was all he said before he excused himself. Carlise was pacing the room so hard that it could have left dents. He was muttering things like "this isnt possible, this is so weird," well no duh Doc. Suddenly he stopped pacing like he got an idea. "I think its time we paid a visit to Eleazar," he said brightly. Who? "Good idea," Esme agreed. "But what about the funeral?" she added. Carlise "hmmm"d.

"Well why doesnt Jasper take her? The rest of us could stay behind and take care of it, and Jasper could up there figure out this power thing and teach her the newborny ways. We could also tie everything up here?" Rosalie suggested. That was a good idea, minus the whole go alone with Jasper.

"Are you suggesting we move?" Carlise asked. Rose nodded. "Well, Bella needs to stay away from humans for a while and we do have the house up in Alaska we could use. It shouldnt take long to get some of the stuff up there, just basically Bellas' stuff because we have alot there from before we came to Forks'," Rose added thoughtfully. Wow, how long had she thought about this?

Carlise nodded, and so did everyone else. Jasper came back down stairs looking less flustered than before. "So we'are moving?" he asked.  
We all nodded. "Well I guess I better ring the hospital and tell them I will not be returning and then alert Eleazar that you will be arriving soon and then we will join you in just over a week," he said leaving the room.

"I guess I better get packing," Jasper said leaving the room. I decided I probably should do the same. I went up to my room and packed away the few things I had brought and already had. Emmett took them and put them in Jaspers' truck. We decided to leave tomorrow at 11am.

I really didnt see why me having the same power as Jasper meaned we had to move, I knew we were going to soon but in the same day? And who the hell is Eleazar? I walked into the kitchen and saw Esme cleaning. "Esme?" I asked. "Yes dear?" she replied. "Who is Eleazar?" I asked nervously. She giggled softly. "I forgot you didnt know. This must seem very odd to you. He is part of the Denali Coven, our friends.  
Eleazar himself has a way to tell what power a person has, which is why it would be handy to see what yours is because as you know two vampires cant have the same power," she said easily.

"Oh okay, how?" I asked. "Well, I gather its rather instinctual like he just feels it I suppose, you wont feel anything. Dont worry," she assured me.  
"Thanks Esme," I smiled. "Please, how many times have I told you? Call me Mum," she said warmly. "Thanks Mum," I said.

She chuckled and ushered me out of the kitchen. "Oh, I also have a bookcase coming soon, could you bring it up or should I leave it here?" I asked. "Im sure we could bring it up, we have serveral spare rooms up there that your more then welcomed to take," she smiled. I left the room and went up to my own to think, this was all alot to take in. Not long before I had been thinking to myself wondering if I were ever going to get a power then bam, I have one and its bad, well not bad but theres something wrong with it. I wonder why its the same as Jaspers'. I was always told that no vampires could have the exact same powers, so I wonder if mine is actually something different after all. I sighed and looked at the window. I pressed my hand against it trying to feel a tempertautre difference but I couldnt, the cold raindrops racing down the window didnt chill my skin anymore. I would miss Forks, but it left so many bad memories, maybe it was a good thing we were leaving. I looked over to the clock and saw it was only 7:12am. I grumbled and put my earphones in my ears and closed my eyes hoping to pass the time.

Before I knew it, it was 11am and time to go. I trugged downstairs with my shoulder bag and hugged everyone before getting into the truck. This ride was going to be awkward I wished I never used lust on Jasper, god why did I act on impluse? I hopped into Jaspers' black Jeep and waited for Jasper to get in. When he finally got in and started to engine and left the driveway I was saddened that I wouldnt see the rest of the Cullens for over a week. I was nervous about their friends, it would be almost as awkward as this drive with Jasper.

I waved all the way until they were out of sight and I was staring at trees. "Sooo," Jasper said. Facepalm.

Boy, this ride was going to be awkward.

**Reviewing makes a Echo who does not make Jasper fall in love with Edward (shock horror), oh please tell me if you think Edward and Alice should die, I have outcomes for either and Id like to know what you think! **

**xoxoxoxo**


	10. Chapter 10

**Thanks Guys! As a special treat I am giving you this chapter before I go away tomorrow :D I wont upload another chapter until I reach 100 reviews. You guys kept my smiling all day, I love you ALL. And yes I have been informed of my major failure, Charlie was not 12 when he had Bella, so he was born in 1972 not 1979 haha. Enjoy!**

**Oh God damn, Ive like completely forgotten disclaimers, I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT, or Collide by Howie Day, or anything else really. I do however own the song Jasper sung to Bella in chapter 8 or whatever is was. :D**

**Chapter 10**

**Life has never been so interesting.**

**The dawn is breaking  
A light shining through  
You're barely waking  
And I'm tangled up in you**

**Bella POV**

I gave Jasper a raised eyebrow and he quickly turned his gaze to the road again. We were exiting Forks and heading north towards Alaska, I had no idea whereabouts but I gathered maybe far from a town. I sighed and looked out the window through the raindrops and watched as we flew by dark moist trees. "Crappy weather isnt it?" Jasper said trying to make conversation. "Your asking me about the weather?" I asked.  
Jasper gave a small smile and kept looking forward. "I miss the sun, the warmth on my skin. Not that I will ever feel it now," I said softly. Jasper nodded, "I miss the sun too, I was from Texas ya know?" he said keeping his eyes forward, not that he needed too. "Yeah, I figured. You know the accent," I said nodding. Jasper gave a hearty chuckle and tapped his thumbs on the steering wheel to an imaginary beat. "So, do you enjoy your strange new power?" Jasper said suddenly. Oh no, I didnt want to take about this yet, I was no where near ready. "Umm, I dont know. But about that Jasper I am sorry. You were just the only person there," I said nervously.

"Bella, you dont need ta explain. What you've done doesnt even compare ta what I've done with it, just prepare for payback sometime," he said with a mischievous grin. That got me wondering, I knew basically everyones' story except Jaspers'. I was always told that everyone has to tell their own story, maybe this was the time to find out Jaspers'. "Hey Jasper?" I asked nervously. "Yes?" he replied distractedly. "Whats your story?" I said quietly. I saw his body tense and a pained look flashed across his face. "You dont know?" Jasper mumbled. I shook my head. "I guess I should tell you, but be warned it isnt like everyone elses', I had a different... upbringing to the rest of the Cullens'," he warned. I just nodded and waited for him to speak at his own pace. "Well, as you know I was born in Texas and when I was 18 I enlisted into the army, I was underage so I posed older. I soared through the ranks and became a Major, I was idolised but then things started to slip from there," Jasper spoke with remorse. I listened with intent to his every word throughout his story.

I was in awe, it was amazing what feats Jasper had accomplished. I never knew that Jasper had to deal with such a horrible experience, I guess thats what his "experience" was that Esme spoke of while I was burning. He was quiet for a minute and looked at me, "why arent you repulsed? Disgusted? Ashamed? Even scared, your not feeling anything," he said with surprise. What the fuck? What did that mean, why would I feel ashamed? All I felt was concern and proud. "Look deeper, Jasper," I said. He closed his eyes for a brief moment and concentrated on nothing but my emotions, "are you proud of me? Proud of what Ive done?" he said disbelievingly. "No, Im proud of who you are. You have overcome this massive battle and you have come out the stronger man. You should be proud of yourself and everything you have achieved, dont doubt it for a minute. Because if you doubt it, you are doubting everything you have became today," I said without looking away from his face. He slowly turned to face me, I was shocked that I saw him smiling.

"Thank you Bella, no one has ever said anything that nice to me before not even he- Alice," he said with a struggle. I put my arm on his shoulder, "are you okay Jasper, like really are you really okay?" I said gazing into his toffee coloured eyes. He gave me a weak smile, "gettin' better. You?" he said softly. "Its' like a big gapping hole has been punched through my chest. Then someone replaced it with darkness, but now theres a match slowly turning it back to light," I said really the only way to describe it. "Bella, you shouldnt hide what your feeling just to make everyone feel better. Its not healthy. You tell us your getting better, but if your not dont say it," he said in all seriousness. "I cant promise anything Jasper, but I am trying I really am," I said returning to the window. The air had definitely became less awkward but it was slightly tense.

I was about to ask Jasper something when I felt my phone buzz, a message from Rose,  
_"We miss you both already, have a safe trip! - __Cullens__, __xo__"_  
I showed the message to Jasper and saw him smile. I guess we were both thinking that if it was just us, without our partners, they wouldnt really notice us. We both had been sort of a package deal, get one powerful vampire and get one emotionally down vampire free. "Jasper, what are the Denalis' like?" I asked after a few minutes of silence. "Well, theyre vegetarians too. Theres' Eleazar, he's the Carlise of their family. Then theres his mate Carmen, her daughters Irina, shes a bit of a sour girl that one. Theres Kate, she has this power she can like send electric currents out through her skin pretty powerful too, can put down a vampire. I reckon you would like her, reminds me of Emmett. Then theres Tanya,'' he paused. I heard of her before, "in my opinion, succubus like," he said with a wicked grin. I gave a small smile and started playing around with my phone. "Do you reckon they will like me?" I whispered. "Of course they will Bella, why wouldnt they like you? God, your a bit silly sometimes," he said while shaking his head.

We drove in silence for another half an hour and had already crossed the boarder. We hadnt passed any signs of late but the road had gotten rougher so maybe we were close. The scenery was no longer green and lush but white with snow. "How far away are we?" I asked. Jasper thought for a minute and checked the clock on the dashboard. "Give or take 45 miutes, the house in Alaska is far out in the woods. We dont usually go to school or anything here we just enjoy ourselves," he said with a small smile on his lips. That made me realise that I hadnt graduated, I groaned. "Whats wrong Bella?" Jasper asked concerned. "I havent graduated at all, I'm definately going to have to do it again." I said with a defeated tone. Jasper chuckled and turned off the radio and plugged in his iPod. Turns out that Jasper and I had similar tastes in music, no classical thank God. "We're just going to the house first right? Then to the Denalis?" I asked. Jasper nodded and started to pull onto, if possible, an even more dirt road. "Not long now," Jasper said distracted.

"Theres' plenty of spare rooms, as Im sure Esme already told you. There should be around four that are avaliable excluding my old room and his and Im pretty sure theres one you would like. You can have first choice of course, ladies first," Jasper said with a smile. "Thanks Jasper, but I honestly wouldnt care if I lived in a cardboard box," I said. And I really didnt, as long as I was with the Cullens' I was happy. But it still got me wondering what the rooms would be like, when I was a child I always wanted a room in the attic with a slanted roof. If this house had an attic I would definitely be asking Esme if I could have it. But that got me wondering where I would put my new bookcase, I decided to give up on the matter and just decided when the time came. We talked about small things like what our childhood were like, what our interests were, things like that. It was very easy to talk to Jasper, conversation flowed freely.

Again time had slipped by and we were there. The house in Forks was mansion like, white marble looking with a million stories and wide windows. But this house looked like it had been picked from an old story book and placed in the middle of a forest. It was old and Victorian, it had a light creamy yellow paint on the slacks with orangey brown on the frames, it was two storeys and bless my lucky stars, it had an attic. There was a small front porch that continued around the side. It was nowhere near as extravagant and huge as the Forks' house but it was homey. The attic was pointed into a triangle and had a small balcony with two arched window with four pointed star patterned windows. It was so beautiful and I was in love. I hadnt shut my mouth and before I knew it I was out of the car and staring up at it with wide eyes. "Its so beautiful," I exclaimed. "It really is, Esme designed it. It's my favourite out of all." Jasper said suddenly appearing behind me. "Has anyone claimed the attic?" I asked excitedly.

Jasper shook his head, "Theres just a couple boxes in there now but if you want it, its yours." Jasper said with a smile. I gave a small squeal and ran up to the door, "quick Jasper, let me in!" I said while hopping from foot to foot. Jasper laughed and let me in slowly opening the door. If I thought the outside was beautiful the inside was drop dead beautiful. It kept with the Victorian theme and had hints of modern in it. Entering the main foyer you could see the many rooms it branched off too. There was a modern yet classy living room, with an upright dvd stand and wooden entertainment centre. There was a plasma tv sitting on the stand surrounded by various gaming consoles and games. I walked past the floral couch and entered into what appeared to be a study, there was lots of windows and polished floorboard so I gathered this would have been a kitchen but Esme must have decided against it. I didnt enter any of the other rooms as I assumed them to be bathrooms and walked up the simple staircase. "This floor is only rooms and bathrooms, are you sure you want the attic. Theres plenty of rooms on this floor."  
Jasper said suddenly appearing next to me.

"Nah, I want the attic. Childhood dream of mine," I said before walking down the long hallway to the small set of stairs that led to the attic. I stopped just before the door and realised Jasper had gone to his room that he was claiming. I pushed the door opened and walked right in. It was small but spacious, it looked bigger than it actually was due to the large window facing the back yard that looked roughly to be the shape of my bookcase, which pleased me more than it should. It was perfect, it even had a small slant in the roof. There was a couple boxes but I would get rid of them later once I was ready to get a lounge and wardrobes and stuff. I inhaled and took in the dusty smell of the attic, which somehow made it even more perfect. I left the, my, room and went down the look for Jasper. I followed the smell of peppermint and aloe vera to the room closest to mine and knocked on the door. I grasped the antique crystal handle and entered. I looked around, the room was perfect for Jasper, it just sent off a warm feeling.

"Hey Bella, like your room?" he asked stepping away from his window. "I love it, this house is the best!" I said with a warm smile. "Well I guess its time to meet the Denalis, Carlise told them we would be over there some time this afternoon and it is now," he checks his large band leather watch, "2:12pm" Jasper said leaving the room. I followed after slightly nervous, finally we would get to find out what the deal was with this crazy power I some how picked up. We left the house and set off in his truck. "Esme wants you to buy a car, one that you want. She wont force it on you but she just wants to give you some freedom," Jasper said randomly. "I also think she feels guilty for driving your old one off a cliff," Jasper laughed. I couldnt help but smile. We busied ourselves with idle chit chat and suddenly we were pulling up to a simple house that wouldnt stand out if it was in a street. My nerves were going haywire, but I suddenly felt calm. "Thanks Jasper," I said softly. "Anytime darl',"  
he said hopping out of the jeep.

I followed him over to the porch and stood next to the door while Jasper rung to the doorbell, which seemed kind of pointless on a vampires house as everyone could hear a visitor anyway. The door opened and a man with jet black hair and slightly olive skin stepped out shaking Jaspers' hand, "Hello son, how are you? Its been awhile," he spoke with a slight Spanish accent. "Too long, Eleazar. I am fine how are you and your family?" Jasper said politely. "They are all well, saddened to hear of Edward and Alices' departure," Eleazar said with a saddened tone. Both Jasper and I flinched at the sound of their names. "Sorry, I didnt mean any offence. I am Eleazar and you must be the beautiful Bella," Eleazar said embracing me in a hug. "Its nice to meet you Eleazar, and dont worry about offending me I'm a guest in your home," I said politely leaving the hug. "Come on in, take a seat. Carmen and the girls are out shopping, again. You know how they get," Eleazar said with a chuckle. I felt that Jasper was reminded of Alice so I sent him a wave of reassurance.

"Thanks," he said quietly with a smile. "Oh is this the power Carlise speaks of? Well no, theres no problem at all you dont have the same power at all, you merely just copied it," Eleazar said with a grin. Both mine and Jaspers jaws hit the floor. I copied his power? How is that even possible. "Excuse me for being rude, but what?" I said. Eleazar gave a throaty laugh and brushed a strand of his dark hair away from his face. "I see you are confused young one, let me think of a way to describe it. Hmm," Eleazar said putting a hand on his chin. "Okay. There are some powers which are offensive which would be powers like Janes' from the Volturri who attacks her opponents then there are defensive powers like you. Kind of. See you have a natural born shield, which I am guessing you didnt know. At times you can let your shield drop, which can leave you vulnerable but when you drop it you can absorb powers like a sponge. So you are defensive but depending on the powers you absorb you could be offensive," Eleazar explained with a satisfied smile.

What do I say to that? I mean wow, thats amazing but really dangerous. That much power, wow. Then I remembered something, "is there anyway I could manipulate them? Because I can create emotions as my own and pretend to have them. Jasper can't do that," I said. Wow, that sounded right in my head but now I just felt stupid. "I dont see why not, its a possibility. You would just have to wait and see once you get more powers, which reminds me Kate should be home soon," he said with a smile. You could tell he loved his family, just like Carlise and Esme did. "Jasper are you okay? You havent said anything," I said shaking him a little. "Oh yeah, just thinking. Thats an amazing power. Many would kill for something like that," Jasper said giving Eleazar a knowing look and Eleazar gave a small nod. What was that about? I decided to dissmiss it and ask Jasper later. "How do you suppose I put my shield down, I mean I didnt do it knowillingly," I said to break the silent conversation that Eleazar and Jasper were having.

"Well, whats your relationship like with Jasper? Do you trust him?" Eleazar asked. "With my life," I said without thinking, where did that come from? "Well, maybe when you get close to someone your shield goes down, or that you feel you can trust them. But I would be certain theres a way you could turn it off and on, you could probably do that with the powers. Which your probably doing unknowingly again. I'm guessing your not doing a constant read on everyones emotions like Jasper does?" Eleazar said, this stuff really did come to him. "Yeah, I never realised that before. Thats a good point," I said quietly feeling very stupid. "Maybe when Kate gets back she could teach you how to drop it on will, she had to do a similar thing when she discovered her power," Eleazar added. I nodded. Just as he said that four gorgeous girls walked in, two with straight cornsilk blonde hair, one slightly strawberry blonde and the other two with slightly curly jet black and olive skin like Eleazar. "This is my family, Carmen, Kate, Irina and Tanya," Eleazar said pointing them out individually.

"And this is Jasper and Bella, Carlises family," Eleazar said with a smile. The girls came over and gave us both hugs and nice to see you again to Jasper and nice to meet you's to me. Tanyas hug was slightly stiffer than the others which is from when he picked me over her. Like it mattered in the end anyway. "Kate, would you like to go out the back with Isabella and help her explore her gift?" Eleazar said more as a command then a question. "Sure, follow me Bella," she said walking though the house. I got up and waved to everyone and followed Kate. She went over to a snow coated willow tree and sat beneath it Indian style. I joined her and she asked what my power was, once I told her all she could do was stare at me like a fish. "Thats amazing," she said awed. I laughed, "I guess it is." I played with a blade of grass and twirled it around my finger. "Well I guess, the first thing to do is to visualise yourself in a bubble, that would be what I would do," she said. I laughed and imagined myself in a huge clear bubble.

"Then imagine the bubble fading away," she said in a dream like voice. We continued like this for an hour but got no where. "Maybe we are doing this wrong, imagine yourself standing behind a brick wall with me on the other side," I did so obediently. "Then imagine yourself punching it down," Kate said softly. I closed my eyes and imagined myself punching a wall, when my fist connected with the bricks I felt a small shiver in my head. "Oh my God, I felt something. I think we did it!" I exclaimed. "Really?" Kate said surprised. "Keep going," she urged. I crushed my eyes together and saw myself punching and kicking a wall down, with each hit another tremor shot through me. Finally the wall was gone and everything felt, clearer somehow. I felt like I could do anything and nothing would matter. "Its gone," I whispered. "Quick, now look at me and pretend to take my soul. Pretend like your taking something from me," she whispered back. I saw Kate standing on the other side of the broken bricks and looked into her eyes, the windows of the soul.

I looked deep into the swirling pools of butterscotch and imagined myself taking the spark that was there, taking it for myself. "Hold it close to your heart, and imagine building a wall back to block everything back out," Kate spoke quietly. I did so and opened my eyes. "Well, what now? How do I zzzst!" I said making a zapping noise. Kate chuckled and shook her head. "Press your palm onto my hand," she said holding out her hand. I placed my pale white hand against her pale olive one and waited. "Now, send out sparks through your blood, through your veins and onto your skin," she said mesmerising. I felt a tingle in my blood and tried to send it to Kate. "Wow, I felt a small burn. Your doing amazing. You learn so quick! A burn like that took me years, not minutes. A little annoying actually," she said with a smirk. I gave a smile back, I was beginning to like Kate alot. "Try again but try harder with more power," she urged. I tried to imagine my blood boiling and sent the heat to Kate just like before.

"Ow!" Kate exclaimed jumping back a little. "That hurt," she mused. "I guess I just got a taste of my own medicine," she laughed. I laughed with her and stood up too. "You should keep practicing on that, but lets go inside to the others now," she said tilting her head at me. "You know, even with bright red eyes. Your still incredibly beautiful, despite vampire looks. You would have been a gorgeous human," she said with a warm smile. "Thanks," I said genuinely and started walking to her house. We went into the house through the back door and I saw Jasper, Irina and Tanya sitting around a table talking. "How did it go?" Jasper asked as I got closer. I placed a hand on Jaspers shoulder and sent him a small zap. "Shit! What did ya do that-" he said jumping away. I gave an evil smirk and watched as he realised what I did. "Wow, that was quick," he gasped. "That really is amazing, what an unique gift. Well not unique really but you get my drift," he said smiling.

We fell silent and I heard Carmen and Eleazar talking upstairs, "She's beyond powerful, she may even be dangerous. Once the Volturri hear about her they wont stop until they have her, with her power they wont need anyone else!" Eleazar whispered worryingly. They suddenly fell silent and came down stairs. "Did it work?" Eleazar asked me. "Yep," I said with a small smile. "Thats' great!" Eleazar said with a little too much enthusiasm and he realised that too. "Well, Bella and I should get home and start unpacking, but we would love to come back soon to hang out. Just give us a text or call when you would like to hang out sometime," Jasper said to break the tension. I exchanged numbers with Kate before hugging everyone and going. We hopped into the jeep and took off home. What Eleazar had worried me. Could I possibly be dangerous? Probably. I said it myself, it was alot of power. But what was the Volturri, I really would have to ask about that, were nearly home when the silence was broken.

"Jasper, whats the Volturri?"

**Reviewing makes me super happy on my holidays and encourages me to write heaps and heaps when I get home! Oh, I know I said she wasnt a shield, but this isnt exactly a shield, its like i dont know a barrier? And alot of people are saying kill Edward and Alice but some say dont I think I will put up a poll once I figure out how. OH what does AU mean in descriptions? **

**Remember, reviews prevent Jasper from becoming gay (:**

**-Echo, xo. **


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: And I am back :D I was going to upload this on the 30th but FF was being an arse :/ Thanks for all the reviews, I got them even before I went away! I will upload again at 150. I wrote this chapter long hand and most of you must know what a bitch that is, i guess thats why it isnt as long, but hope you enjoy /evil smirk. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or All Time Lows' "Walls" BUT I will be seeing them, Paramore (!!!), Escape the Fate, A day to remember etc this month ^^)**

**I'm gonna break down these walls  
I built around myself  
I wanna fall so in love  
With you and noone else  
Could ever mean half as much  
To me as you do now  
Together we'll move on  
Just don't turn around  
Let the walls break down**

**Chapter 11**

**Everythings fitting just like a puzzle**

At the mention of the word Volturri Japers body went so rigid it frightened me. I shifted my body so I was pressed farther across in the small cab space and prepared myself to be shut down. After a long moments silence Jasper lessened his grip on the steering wheel and drove at a faster pace.

"I'll explain when we get back okay?" he said stiffly. I was shocked, he never explained things to me. It was always, "You don't need to worry, everything will be fine" or "Its nothing you need to know, its all for the best," but Jasper didn't seem to mind. I gave a small silent nod and played with a frayed edge of my big loose blue hoodie with a picture of a cats smile on it.

When we got back to the house Jasper ran out of the car and straight through the front door. I sighed and got out slowly. Jasper was such an unusual person to be around.

It could be because he can always feel what your feeling but I think it lies much deeper than that. He is so hot and cold, one minute he is perfectly fine. Laughing and joking around then the next he's acting sketchy and quiet. I really didn't know what to think of it.

I walked straight into the house and joined Jasper on the small floral couch. I crossed my legs under me Indian style and watched as he did the same. "Bella, are you sure ya wanna know? I will tell ya but I don't have to, ya don't if ya don't wanna..." Jasper trailed.

"I need to know. If this Volturri would find my power useful I need to prepare myself. Go at your own pace, I have all day" I said joking at the end trying to lighten the mood. Jasper nodded and looked out the window trying to think how to get him started.

"Okay. So as long as there has been vampires there has been the Volturri. The Volturri consists of many extremely powerful and gifted vampires, only the best of the best are selected. The Volturri are considered royalty to our kind, they keep everything in line. If someone were to expose us to humans they are gone," Jasper emphasised by running his thin finger across his throat.

This seemed fair enough they were the bosses, head hancho, da man. Stick it to da man and your in shit. I nodded urging him to continue. He swallowed what I guessed was venom and nodded back to me. "There's three of them in charge, they decide who stays part of their coven," Jasper spat. It was clearly evident that Jasper despised the Volturri.

"They sit in their thrones up in Volterra, Italy and dictate who lives and dies." Italy? That sounds oddly familiar. "Caius, Marcus and Aro are their names." Without intending to, at the mention of Aros' name, I started to scream and threw myself into the corner of the room curling up into a little ball.

His name was like a slap across the face, it reminded me of when I was beaten to the death. I yelled and thrashed against Jaspers' cold arms that were wrapped around my shoulders trying to soothe me. "YOU LIED! YOU WERE MY BEST FRIEND! AND YOU HELPED KILL ME!" I screamed to no one. "Shh, Bella calm down please darlin'. Everything is okay, calm back to me baby. Please," Jasper pleaded to me. He started to rub circles on my back and patting my hair back down from the nest it had become.

I stopped screaming but continued to squirm and clamped my eyes shut tighter. An onslaught of calm and love tranquilised me and I started to dry sob into Jaspers' shoulder. "Bella dear, what's wrong?" Jasper breathed onto my neck. "She said Aro needed me alive, she told him and he bit me" I whispered. "Alice," he breathed. At the sound of her name I cried harder, pushing myself from his body and wrapped my legs pressing my eyes into my knees.

I felt a sudden surge of loss from touch and whimpered. "They're part of it, they're there now. Aro wants me for his collection too," I realised. Jasper let out a snarl and jumped up from the ground. "We've got to ring Carlise," he said before leaving the room.

All along that's all I was for, to become part of a vampire leadership who kills people because they can. Would they come and try and get me or would I be expected to go to them?

I went up to my room to occupy my mind, I need to distract myself immediately. There was no way Jasper would let them take me, neither would any of the other Cullens'. I started to pick up boxes and take them to the shed out in the forest. Once all the boxes were gone I lay on the floorboards and shut my eyes. I was distracted of all the three minutes it took me to empty the room and now I was left with was my thoughts.

"Are you going to paint it?" Jasper asked from the door. "Nope," I replied. "Can I join you?" he asked meekly. I shrugged, "If you want to." I felt him lie down close to me, our arms touching. My skin seemed to buzz where he touched me. I hoped he couldn't feel it.

"He never loved me, but part of me knew that. Part of me knows I was never good enough for him, though there's a bigger part of me that doesn't care that he didn't. Love me that is," I mumbled. I felt Jaspers' fingers lace though my own, the spaces fitting perfectly.

A shot of acid went through my veins at his touch. We had touched before but this was different, it felt right somehow. I marvelled at how close Jasper and I had gotten in such a short amount of time. I felt like he knew everything about me by just looking into my eyes, looking into my soul.

"You're good for me," I said softly. "You fixed me and for that I'm eternally grateful. The pain is there, but mainly for her- Alice. I always knew Edward and I wouldn't last, but I finally felt I found a friend with her. But again I was wrong." I said staring at the ceiling.

"Bella, you are doing great considering the circumstances. You don't ever have to owe me anything either, in a way you fixed me too. Alice and I hadn't been together - together together - for at least a decade. But that doesn't bother me, I have you now. We have each other and that's all we need," he said pulling me into his side.

"I don't know how though, I'm a dull boring mess," I whispered. "You couldn't be farther from the truth if you tried darl," he said adoringly. I didnt reply because frankly I wasn't sure the words would form, the acid was paralyzing me. I was fucked up enough, I didn't need to start thinking there was something there between us.

We weren't close before but now that we were, it didn't quite seem enough to call us friends but there was definitely something else there. Could it be love? I really didn't know but when I was with Jasper everything seemed... right. As weird as it sounds, I didn't mind. Oh fuck, empath. Reel it in girl.

I pushed those thoughts deep down to the deepest pits in my stomach and lay in silence feeling the acid travelling though my veins leaving a hot trail behind it.

We could have sat there for days on end in perfect silence with just each other just holding hands. Until it was time for Jasper to hunt that is. When he left to hunt I felt so lonely, his absense from my side made me feel hollow, completely empty. It was then I realised I relied on him too much, before it didn't even feel like I was but looking back on it I did.

I have to make myself more independent, it was not healthy to rely on someone so much. I was going to start right now to be more independent.

I decided to explore the house some more but I was still feeling lonely so I decided to see if Kate was online or something. It was weird how I connected so much with her, I barely knew her yet I felt like I did. Strange as it is, she was like a combination of Rosalie and Alices' best characteristics.

I logged onto my computer and signed onto my instant messenger I never used and I added Kate as my first contact. I waited for five minutes when I finally saw Kate sign on. I was about to say hi but before I could Kate said it.  
Kate: Hey B!  
Bella: Hello, what are you doing?  
Kate: Nothing really been really bored since you left. Did you wanna go for a walk or something if your not busy?  
Bella: Sure :) Seeyou at the road near your house in 10?  
Kate: Sounds great, seeyou soon :D

I signed off and went downstairs to leave a message for Jasper on the whiteboard. "Jas, gone for a walk with Kate. Shouldn't be too long - B".

I shut the door softly, breaking out into a run following our scent from earlier. I made it there in less than 6 minutes and saw Kate already there leaning against the road sign.

"Hey poderoso," Kate grinned. "Kate, please don't call me powerful," I frowned. I knew basic Spanish, French, Italian and German thanks to one of Rene 's language fads. "You speak Spanish?" she gawked shocked. I shrugged, "Just a bit, something my mum was into." "Niceee," Kate said exaggerated.

We walked onto the trail near her house that would its way through the forest. We talked about our human lives and how we were changed. I summarised briefly over how I was changed so I wouldn't scare Kate away with my hysterics. I was coping, but there was still the gut wrenching terror that enveloped me whenever I realised I was beaten to death.

Kate understood my hesitance and let it slide, for now. We sat down on a bench to talk, either though neither of us could get warn out.

"Soooo, you and Jasper 'ayee?" Kate asked in a way in which she thought was subtle. "What?! No what gives you that idea?" I asked what I hoped what nonchalantly. "Don't play innocent Bella. When Irina and Tanya were talking to Jasper all he could talk about was you. And Eleazar mentioned you "trust him with your life"" she said matter of factly.

"I-what-uh-no" I stuttered. "I don't think so, I mean he's great to me but neither of us would be ready for anything like that. Its not what either of us need," I sighed. "Or maybe its exactly what you need!" Kate said pointing a finger at me.

"Okay I guess, there's feelings there but I have no clue what to do about them. I mean I doubt he'd feel the same way even if I was sure of his affections," I sighed. Oh dear, it was evident I was falling hard and quick.

"I didn't mean now querida, but its there. You's are mean to be," Kate said patting my back. "Just take your time, everything will work out in good time," she said sounding like Yoda.

"That helps heaps, especially after this afternoon when we held hands," I grumbled sarcastically. "Ooer, deets please," Kate clapped like a 15 year old. "We were just holding hands and it felt like acid was rushing through my blood. It felt completely right, just to be there with him," I said shortly. "Is that it?" Kate said bluntly. "I don't know I guess, it was like a connection was flowing through us, but yeah that was it," I shrugged.

"Corrispondenti anima," she whispered dropping her hand. "Matching souls?" I asked raising an eyebrow. "What are you on about?" I asked. "It is when two bodies find each other and they are so perfect for each other the two halves of their souls connect and become one," she said sadly. What the fuck?!

"Thats not possible Kate, we can't can we?" I murmured. "You can't decide it Bella. What is done is done. You may not realise it now but it will be. The fates have intended it," she said rising. "We should go its late," she said distractedly.

"Talk later querida," Kate grinned before taking off back down the track. If what Kate was saying is true I needed to stay away from Jasper, I couldnt let him know I was falling in love with him if he didn't feel the same.

***

Avoiding Jasper is not an easy feat, especially when you are the only on living in the same house together. Alone. I had a feeling I was hurting his feeling more than he let on. Whenever he suggested we do something I would say I had plans with Kate.

Of course she thought what I was doing was wrong. She would constantly remind me of "corrispondenti anima' and how I "would have to face the music sooner or later." She begged sooner, I begged later. But we both knew I was scared.

I was slowly, bit by bit falling for Jasper, whether or not it was my choice I couldn't help it. He has me under his spell and everyone knew it. He was everything I needed and so much of what I wanted. He treated me like an equal, always asked what I wanted and never forced me.

Everytime I heard the deep bass of his voice now it sent shivers right to my core. When I looked into his toffee coloured eyes I found myself swimming in them. His strong square jaw jutted out with cute frustration when he read a wrong fact in his Civil War books. Whenever he was worried he'd run his tall strong fingers though his dark blonde-brown wavey hair and disheveled it in an almost natural bedhead.

Picking out these little details made me realise how much I was falling more and more over my cliff of semi-sanity. Worse part though was that I was losing myself with every minute I was near him. I don't know how much longer I could hold on for.

I spent the better part of the past three days in my room on the floor. I hadn't gotten around to ordering one, didn't really matter either way though. I got up from the floor realising I needed to shower.

I got down from the attic taking a pair of black skinny jeans and a long faded brown cream blouse with a baggy black vest. "I'm just going for a shower Jasper," I said normally knowing he would hear. "Okay darl, I'll just be in my room if ya'll need me," he said slightly distracted. Probably because I was blocking my emotions and he was worried.

I sighed and went to the bathroom with heavy feet. I knew I should tell him that I felt something but I just couldn't risk it. I'd gladly sarcrafice my misery to keep things from getting awkward though.

I stripped down to my simple black lace underwear and turned on the hot water waiting for it to heat up. I looked to the mirror like I did often since arriving. My eyes were now a red amber, not quite the nice brown amber I'd prefer but at least it wasn't bright red like it was before. I wandered what anyone could see in me, I was still pretty average, even as a vampire.

My face shape itself was pretty much the same, although my chin bone was more angular. My nose from the front was slightly pushed looking flat but on the side it was straight and upward pointed. My eyes were not as squinted as they used to be from always reading, they were wider and "popped." My eyebrows were thick in the inside edges and gradually got thinner going out. My lips had stayed exactly the same. The uppers edges meeting at the bottom edges and going up to meet at two pointed peaks. The bottom was plump and made it look like I always had a half pout.

Moving myself closer to the mirror with vampire eyesight I saw the very pale freckles across my nose I couldn't see as a human. I brought my short fingers to my face and ran a short nail across my check feeling the bones beneath the marble surface. I tore myself from the mirror and walked through the steam to the shower.

I stood under the shower and felt the warm water run down my cold back and threw my head back wetting my hair. I ran my fingers through my hair detangling it and pressed my forehead on the glass. I needed to get my shit together. Jasper was occupying my every though since we "connected our souls" as Kate put it.

I had accepted the fact that I liked him but I couldn't do anything about it so my feelings were locked up inside me, so I had to hide them from Jasper which hurt him which I found hurt me.

I sighed and started to wash my hair, even small distractions I was welcoming. I twisted my conditioned hair up out of the way and used body scrub. I rubbed the skin on my stomach and passed my breasts, tensing the coil in my stomach and closed my eyes. I imagined being held by Jasper with him whispering endearments in my ear while rubbing his hands all over my body.

Suddenly I felt the spring coil tighter than I thought possible and my breathes came out in hard gasps. Then quickly as it started it stopped, God I've got to keep my thoughts clean I thought while rinsing my hair.

I turned off the shower and wrapped a towel around my dripping body and threw my hair in a towel as well. I hadn't taken another step when I felt my core burn with lust. I let out a rough gasp and panted as it got more intense as the seconds ticked by. I grabbed the towel rack and held on to steady my grip as my knees weakened.

I could feel an orgasm building and I couldn't do anything except moan and scream. I had no control and it was horrible. I realised that this was Jaspers' "payback" but I had a feeling giving me an orgasm wasn't the payback. I was at my breaking point when I crushed the towel pole between my fingers ands screamed out in ecstasy.

I was panting as I came down from my high and quickly regained my composure and dressed as quickly as I could so I could tell Jasper off.

I kept my hair in the towel and stormed to Jaspers' room in blind fury. I flung open his door and let loose. "What the fuck Jasper?!" I yelled then I realised he was on the phone. He had a mischeivious grin on his face the whole time.

"Yeah, that was Bella, yeah that was her as well," Jasper said with a fake grim voice. "Is everything okay son?" Oh God Carlise!! He was on the phone to him the whole time.

I was floored, I couldn't shut my mouth. I ran from the room and ripped the towel off my head as I ran from the house. God, I was so embarrassed. I would never be able to show my face in the Cullens' house again.

I stormed off through the rain that had suddenly appeared. I was almost to the edge of the forest when I heard Jasper behind me. "Bella! Please wait! Come back, I am sorry!" He called after me. I spun quickly and was about a meter from an ashen faced Jasper.

"That was harsh Jasper, how am I supposed to feel? When you make me feel like that what am I supposed to do?" I yelled at him rain drops streaking my face. "I am sor-" I cut him off. "I know you are, and I get the payback thing. But what I did wasn't nearly as bad as that, what are they going to think of me now?!" I said throwing my arms in the air.

"Please Bella-" he started then looked at the ground, "-I couldn't stand you not talking to me. I didn't know if I hadn't done something wrong or you were upset. You wouldn't talk to me!" he fought back.

"How could I Jasper!?" I yelled hopelessly. I had no idea why we were yelling, we could hear perfectly fine. I wiped rain drops from my face and shook my head. It seemed like the skies were crying for me. I could feel words coming up my throat like word vomit, bursting to come out.

Jasper had a look of confusion on his face, he really didn't know what I was talking about. "How could I talk to you when I was having all these feelings?" I said disgusted. "What do you mean?" he asked very confused. "I couldn't stop thinking, it was driving me insane! All this stupid "Corrispondenti anima" bullshit! I couldn't fucking handle it when all I wanted to do was kiss you," I whispered towards the end.

My eyes shot to the ground to hide the embarresment written clearly over my face. I prepared myself for the rejection, but when I heard nothing from Jasper I looked up at his face which was framed by his wet locks.

"Bella-" I prepared myself the heartbreaking rejection, "Can I kiss you?" he asked staring intently at my face. I felt my body catch on fire, every part of me alive yearning for his touch. I closed the gap between us and wrapped my wet arms around his shoulders smashing my lips to his.

Everything was instantly in vivid High Definition. I could feel everything. My lips moved in sync with his, fitting perfectly together moulding to perfection. My hands clenched in his hair running through them over and over feeling the softness I loved. His tongue glided gracefully on my lower lip asking for entrance. I opened them automatically inhaled in his scent letting it ignite every fibre of my insides with him.

Our tongues done their own unique dances in tune to the rain falling all around us. His hands lifted my shirt slightly rubbing soothing yet passionate circles on my back. The kiss was perfect, it had deepening in rhythm and was all I hoped it could be.

After six long minutes we broke apart and panted unnessarily, resting our forheads together. "Your wet," I said lamely. I let out a low chuckle, "lets go inside" he said taking my hand and leading me back to the house.

We walked up the stairs in silence holding hands and went our separate ways to get changed. I got changed into a pair of bright blue track pants and a white sloppy joe, threw my hair into a messy bun and headed down to Jaspers' room.

He exited from his room wearing dark blue wash jeans and a black wife beater with no shoes and wet hair. The sight was panty dropping and made venom pool in my mouth. "You look gorgeous," he said taking my hand. I let out a short laugh, "thanks, I think."

"What should we do today?" Jasper offered. I shrugged, "watch some movies maybe?" I said softly. "Sounds great to me, any kind in mind?" he said walking over to the dvd rack. "Im kind of in the mood for horrors if you like them," I said shyly. "Love them," Jasper said with a wicked grin.

We decided on watching the three Final Destinations, When a Stranger Calls and The Uninvited. At least once in every movie I ended up jumping and ended up sitting in Jaspers' lap. By the end of The Uninvited I was laying against Jasper while he played with a strand of my hair. I could get used to this. This completeness.

"I love you Bella, I have since that day I wrote you that song and we sat in the rain. I wanted to see if you felt the same as me before I did anything. I didn't want to push you," he said while stroking my check.

"Do you have any idea how much you mean to me right now? How much you have a hold on my existence? How much love is in my heart just for you?" I said trying to express my love for him. "Hmm, I don't think I do. Maybe you should show me?" Jasper joked. I sent out all my love to him, basking him in it.

"Wow, that is a lot of love. For a girl" he said with a smirk. I laughed at him and sat up straight. "What do we tell the family?" I asked randomly. He was deep in concentration for a minute until he sat up straight as well. "I think we should let them figure it out," he said with a smirk. "I like that idea," I said leaning in to his shoulder.

"I like this, us. Together. It feels right," Jasper said stealing my thoughts. "I thought something very similar earlier. It feels like were rushing it but it just seems so right, ya know?" I said. "I know what you mean, but Kate said we were always meant to be together so that's okay right?" Jasper said stroking my hand.

"As long as were happy isn't that all that matters?" I said not really having an exact answer. "How do you stand on presents these days? I mean Christmas is just around the corner," Jasper asked randomly. "I guess they're okay, but nothing overboard like a continent or something ridiculous like that," I laughed.

"That's good, because I have a present in mind. And don't freak, its not that expensive," he said with a grin. "I have no idea what to get anyone, you have to help me. I have an idea for Emmett, but then again he's easy to buy for, like a child," we laughed together and lay on the couch for hours just talking together getting to know every detail of our live from his Texas upbringing to my split holidays.

For once in a long time we were both at peace and were no longer afraid.

**There you have it, hope you enjoyed that. And remember, reviews make a happy writer who does not make Jasper gay : )**

**Oh, also check out "Saving Bella" by mynxi, its great. Every chapter I will recommend a story that I reckon you would enjoy. Theres also a poll on my profile id like you to check out. **


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: A million sorries cannot forgive me for not posting in like 2 months, but everything has been so caught up with being a senior and such. But I also said I wouldn't upload until I got 150 reviews I think but I only got 125(?) so I guess we're even? :D Now, I can't say this chapter is great, its just a filler, I've finally decided what the end of the story is going to be like and I've even thought of a story line for another story if i ever get rid of my serious case of CBF - Can't be Fucked (: **

**I do NOT own Twilight, or any Twilight story lines or characters, I just make them better :D I also do not own "Finders Keepers" by YOU ME AT 6! even though i did see them live in February and they WERE AMAZING! 3 **

**Chapter 12**

**BPOV**

**Finders Keepers,  
Will you keep me in line?  
I like secrets,  
Coz they keep me in line.  
Old habits die hard, but I'm too young to die.  
**

**A very Vampire Christmas**

There are moments in life where you stop and say to yourself "What did I do to deserve this?" then you think of all the things that could have possibly gone wrong. Then you will later find yourself smiling and thinking "Hey, maybe I was wrong, this isn't so bad." I had one of these. Edward cheating on me, killing me and turning me into a vampire at the time seemed like the worst imaginable thing. But somehow, deep inside I cant bring myself to hate him for that, I can hate him although for different reasons though, as it brought me to Jasper.

I can't believe I spent months in his presence and I never got to spend time with him. He was my perfect fit, my other half, the cheese to my macaroni. With Jasper, I was myself. I was at peace. He embraced me for my scars, and I loved him for his. We balanced each other out, like a sea saw. If one of us was too low, it was the others duty to bring them back. And I loved that.

It was the day before Christmas when the rest of the family had arrived. Jasper and I still weren't positive how we were going to break it to them, but we were certain that they would figure it out eventually. Let fate decide. I was putting the last decorated box under the tree when I heard the sound of tires on gravel. I stood upright and went over to the window box.

"They're here Jazz," I said at normal volume knowing he would hear me from the bedroom. Another reason why would they find out. After much deliberation, Jasper decided he would move his stuff into my room and we would paint it just like his. Win win.

"I'll be right down," he stand suddenly appearing behind me. He grabbed me around me the waist and spun me around. I giggled and slapped him on the shoulder, "stop it, there here now." I said walking over the door. "Sure, whatever you say," Jasper said while laughing. I shook my head at him and opened the door. "Come on, lets help them unpack," I said dragging Jasper with me. "Yes, master," Jasper mumbled under his breathe just low enough for me to hear. I slapped him once more on the shoulder and joined in with his laughter.

We sat down on the porch steps and waited for the truck to come into the yard. In the distance we could hear the sound of Akons "Right Now," blasting through the speakers of the truck with Emmett singing along. "Emmett, turn this crap off right now before I make you sleep out with the bugs tonight," Rosalie warned. "Na, na, na. I wanna make love right now na na," Emmett teased. "Emmett, those aren't even the words!" Rosalie yelled. "There close enough," Emmett said between laughs. There was a crack and a large moan. "What was that for woman?!" Emmett groaned. "I told you to turn this crap off," Rosalie said while changing the song. Akon was cut short of his chorus and Lady GaGas' "Telephone" appeared in its place. "See Emmett, much better" Rosalie said.

I could see Emmetts face of disgust as they turned into the yard and couldnt help but laugh at them. Rosalie was sitting in the passenger seat with a grin of triumph on her face and Emmett had a face of horror driving the truck. I got up with Jasper and started to make our way to the garage. I opened the doors and watched as they drove in still arguing. I gave a chuckle and went around to Roses' door and gave her a hug.

"Still nice and strong I see Bells," Rosalie gasped. I laughed and stepped away straightening my clothes, "Yeah, I've been working out," I said with a wink while being swept up in a hug from Emmett. "I've missed you too Big Bro," I said smelling his jumper. "Please, tell me you've gotten me a Christmas present already!" he said dropping me and crossing his arms. I tapped my nose and wriggled my eyebrows, "maybe."

I turned around to see Rosalie and Jasper in an embrace and Jasper ruffling her hair which earned him a smack on the shoulder. I crossed my arms and smiled at my family. No matter how bad things got, I still seemed to end up happy.

"Can you give me a hint Bells, please?" Emmett whinged. "Nope not yet Emmy bear," I said with grin. "Speaking of bears, Rose wanna go for a hunt and leave the boys to pack away?" I said already leaving the garage. "Read my mind sis," Rosalie said grabbing my arm and sprinting out across the yard with me behind running until we reached a big clearing near a river.

"So how do you wanna do this?" I said keen to hunt. "I don't know, when were you going to tell me you and Jasper bonded?" she said with a sad frown and crossed arms. "I-uh-er, Jasper and I whated?" I said trying to cover it up. "You's are totally in love, any idiot can see it," Rose said looking away. "Uh, who are we kidding? I mean at first it was about the mind-blowing sex but its so much more than that... well it's still kinda about the sex.." I said with a devilish grin while Rose looked at me with an open mouth.

"Fashion tip Rose: mouth looks better closed," I leant in close to Roses' ear and whispered. I started to walk to the river when I heard her walk over to me, "but-but, how, when?" Rosalie stuttered out. "Why didn't you tell me?" she pouted. "Rosalie, I'm kidding. We haven't had sex," I chuckled. She just stood there staring at me.

"But you do love him?" Rosalie said seriously. If I were human I would have been ten shades of red. "Yes, I really do. He understood me when no one else could, he is my equal," I said with a small smile. "I approve, he will be good for you sis," she said taking me in for a hug.

We sat down and talked about everything that had happened in the few short days stopping for appropriate "awws" and laughs. After about half an hour we got up and drained a bear each and a couple elks and headed back to the house.

"So Rose, what did you get Jasper for Christmas?" I said trying to sound nonchalant. "You haven't got him anything have you?"she said with a patronising look. I shook my head, "I just feel that what ever I give him wont be good enough, he said he had a really good one for me and what if-" Rosalie stopped me, "no what if's Bella. When Jasper was with Alice he never got a say in anything. What he wore, how he spoke, hell even what he did. But the greatest thing you can, and already have, give him is his freedom. The second I saw him I could see that he was happy, not just on the outside, but on the inside. His soul radiates him from the inside, you did that Bella," Rosalie said without removing her eyes from mine.

"Thanks Rose, your the best sister a girl could ask for," I said wrapping her in a hug. "Hey, it's what I do," she said shrugging. I laughed and punched her in the arm, "I also think I know what to get him now too, seeya back at the house," I said running ahead of her with a distant "Hey!" behind me.

I jumped up the porch steps and straight through the door and saw Jasper and Emmett coming down from the stairs. I walked right up to Jasper, placed a firm passionate kiss on his lips and continued up the stairs. "I'll be in the room, I'll come down once I'm done." Leaving a shocked Emmett on the stairs.

I logged straight on to the internet and browsed for what I was looking for and after tough, long search I found it. Once finding Jaspers' present I bought presents for everyone else I closed my laptop, deleted my browsers history and put a password on my account because knowing Emmett he would try to see what I bought everyone, ie himself.

I picked my phone off the bedside and checked the time realising that Esme and Carlise would be here anytime. I went downstairs and just as I reached the bottom step Emmett yelled that they had just arrived. I jumped the last step and leaped out the door Rosalie was opening, running down the porch to the yard.

Esme got out of Carlises' Mercedes and held her arms open for my hug. "I missed you so much Esme!" I said rocking back and forth. "I missed you too dear, but were here now so you may want to put me down before you break me in half sweetie," she said patting my hair. "Sorry."

Carlise came around the car and gave me a small hug before hugging Jasper who had joined us out the front. "Oh by the way Esme and Carlise, I love Bella," Jasper said taking my hand and rubbing it with his thumb. We had told each other we were just going to flat out and say it when they arrived to not make things awkward and not having to lie to anyone.

Carlise and Esme looked at each other and sighed. "Oh thank God, that makes everything so much better," Esme said smiling at us. Us "children" were all throughly confused. "Um, make what easier?" I said hesitantly. "Oh dear, nothing horrible. Just stuff like holidays and stuff, but we are happy for you both. No one should ever be alone," Esme said patting my arm.

After that we all helped re-arrange furniture in the house and set up the Christmas tree for tomorrow. I sent Kate a text saying to come over anytime tomorrow and we would all do presents together. I had the presents express delivered so I was going in a few hours to pick them up from the nearest town with Kate in the Jeep. I already knew that Esme and Carlise were set on getting me a car but I was curious as to what kind they had in mind.

So thats why three hours later Kate and I were riding in Jaspers' Jeep singing along to the latest top 40 at the top of our lungs, which actually didn't sound bad anymore, when Emmett scared us by jumping up from the back trap when we got out.

"I didn't think you's would ever stop singing, like really "Come on rude boy can you giddup? Come on rude boy are you big enough?" what kind of provocative woman says that in a song?" Emmett said strolling casually with us to the post office. "Emmett, go home. I mean it," I threatened. See, that's where Emmett should have stopped, because Kate and I had discovered that part of my ability was indeed the manipulation of another power so I didn't need to be touching my victim to shock them.

"What isn't Jasper "big enough" for you?" Emmett teased. Kate and I simply looked at each other and shrugged. At the same precise moment Kate stepped forward and zapped Emmett the same time I did with my mind. "Go home big boy," Kate taunted while Emmett was moaning on the ground. "Reckon he will be okay Kate?" I said with fake concern. "Well, you did warn him. He should be still in pain for a bit longer so if we hurry up we can leave him here," Kate said walking off.

By the time we came back with the many packages Emmett had moved to leaning against a bench still groaning about the pain. "What's wrong Emmett, aren't you "big enough"?" I said while putting everything in the tray and getting in the jeep. "I'll tell Rose when we get home, she may come get you... or she may not," I said driving away.

Before we knew it we had arrived back at the house and Kate was helping me unload all the presents and taking them up to the room with me. "So, you found something for Jasper then I'm assuming, unless you have a different present for him.." Kate said nudging my shoulder. "No, no, I mean yes, I found him something, but not that," I said shutting the door quickly.

I quickly brought up a photo of what I had gotten for him and deleted the history. "So, what do you think?" I said closing the laptop. "It's perfect Bella, he will love it." I got up and opened the door for Kate. "Now, you shoo. Your present is here and you have to wait until tomorrow," I said pointing my finger down the stairs. "Bella, you didn't have to get me anything," Kate said with crossed arms. "I know I didn't have to, but I wanted to," I said grinning.

"Ergh, fine but no whinging with yours tomorrow," she said leaving. I shook my head and got to work wrapping the presents. I wrapped Emmetts' and decided to hide it somewhere he wouldn't likely to find it. I went into Esme and Carlises' room and prayed to God no one would catch me doing what I did next or I would not be able to remove the blush from my face.

I snuck back out went back to the room to take the rest downstairs where there already was a growing pile of presents. See in the Cullens' they did main presents as couples to couples then a small gift from individual to individual. Which was actually a pretty decent system if you thought about it. I then realised I forgot to tell Rosalie about Emmet, "Oi Rose, your husbands in town he's a bit dizzy he should be fine soon but.." I said walking into the study. I heard Rose sigh from upstairs, "I'll go get him."

I walked over to Jasper in the main study chair and folded myself into his lap and gave him a peck on the lips before giving him a hug. "I would say that you were blocking my view but this view is much better," Jasper said with a grin. I chuckled and got up from his lap and picked up his book. ""_The Brave Tales of the Fallen_" sounds..." I said nodding my head. Jasper chuckled, "I don't read it for entertainment, I read it to see how accurate they are."

"And how's that working for you?" I said placing the book on the coffee table and walking back to Jasper. "Not as good as this is working for me," he said grabbing my hips and pulling me to him. I crashed my lips to his pulling his head closer by his hair, tangling my fingers in their softness. I slid my tongue across his lip and breathed in his minty scent moaning openly into his mouth earning a soft purr from Jasper.

Jasper picked me up not breaking the kiss and carried me over to the sofa and lay me down gently rubbing circles on my back. His hands travelled down to the edge of my shirt and slid his hand up leaving trails of fire over my skin setting me alight. His hand rubbed up my abdomen reaching my bra and diving under massaging the soft skin there making me purr into the hallow of his neck. "Jasper..." I whispered. "Bella what's wr-" Jasper asked but stopped to turn around at the sudden opening of the door.

"Bella! How could you leave me in town?! I had women come up to me and hit on me, it was horrible, I almost got taken to the hospital," Emmett said with a frown. I got up and straightened my shirt before standing up walking over to him in the door. "I told you that you weren't going to find out what I had gotten you, couldn't you just wait?! It's only like five more hours you had to wait!" I said poking his chest.

"Oh that's it tough girl, back yard now," Emmett said storming off. I stood there in a sea of confusion. "What does he want Jasper?" I said turning to face him trying to stifle a laugh. "I pretty sure he wants a hand wrestle," Jasper said leading me out the back.

"Your joking right? I can't beat him, he's built like a tank and is like fifty or something," I said with a frown. Jasper leant in and whispered in my ear, "but, you have newborn strength, also it wouldn't hurt to tease him, the results could _shock_ him."

Oh, that's a good idea. Emmett didn't specify rules. I rolled up my sleeves and kissed Jasper on the check, "wish me luck." Jasper smiled, "always." I knelt down opposite to Emmett of the tree stump and tried to get comfortable. "Ready little sister?" Emmett said placing his elbow down.

"I was born for this big brother," I said with a smirk. I placed my small hand into his and squeezed to test the waters. "Go!" Rosalie said from a safe distance. I started to send unnoticeable shocks up Emmetts' arm that would only seem like strain from pushing against my arm so hard. I could tell I could easily win this but I wanted to make Emmett learn a lesson.

"You know Emmett, sometimes waiting is a good thing," I said sending more shocks. "Patience is a virtue that I do not have Bells," Emmett said laughing. I sent him a few more shocks slightly intensifying it, "but Emmett, if you wait you can truly appreciate something for what it's worth." I sent him more shocks and could see the amount of effort it was taking him, and I wasn't even trying.

"Life is too short to wait," more shocks. "Emmett your immortal!" I yelled sending more and more shocks.

"So, same difference," he said smugly. I could see his muscles twitching in his arm from the strain. "Well Emmett I'm sorry, you really should've waited," I said easily slamming his hand down shattering the tree stump. I dusted off my jeans and walked back into the house leaving a shocked Emmett still at the tree stump.

For the next few more hours until it was time to unwrap the presents I spent it chatting, bathing and reading with Jasper. He didn't drop any hints about the present but I was getting anxious. Then it was finally time to give the gifts, "Hey Carmen, just place those under the tree. Esme's in the laundry doing some last minute laundry," I said opening the door for the Denalis.

Once everyone was ready we met in the lounge room and shared gifts with each other. Jasper and I gave Carmen and Eleazar $500 Gift Certificate, and gave Tanya, Irina and Kate all day spa treatments. We gave Esme and Carlise front row tickets to a Broadway concert and Rose and Emmett bought the plane tickets. We also gave Rose and Emmett tickets to Las Vegas and $200 each spending money. I showed Esme her present later which was a garden with different exotic plants, Carlise an authentic leather brief case from the 50's, Rose an antique vanity table, Kate a $1000 shopping spree, and other small gifts for Irina, Tanya, Eleazar & Carmen. Turns out that Esme and Carlise didn't too that bad a job picking me out a car, a silver A5 3.2 Coupe Audi to be exact. Which I was told many times by Emmett, is a beautiful car.

When I gave Emmett his Nintendo 64 with a complete collection of games, he wasn't sure what it was. It took ten minutes for me to sit him down and explain it, once he realised how important this was to my childhood he fully appreciated its entertainment. That is after he lost to me on every game.

Jasper and I decided we would swap our presents later, as did most of the couples. So when it was finally time for the Denalis to go Jasper and I retreated to our room. We both went and retrieved our presents from wherever we had hidden them and returned to the bed. Him with a small box and me with a medium package, which he stared at with much intrigue.

"You first," Jasper said sitting cross legged on the bed. I sighed and handed him the present which he held for a moment before opening it. "It took a long time to find it but I eventually found an old museum that was willing to let me have it," I said looking at the Civil war shirt embedded with _Major Whitlock_. "The man assured me that all the medals and embroideries are just as they were and that this is definitely yours," I said looking down.

Jasper grabbed my chin and placed a soft kiss on my lips, "thank you so much. This means so much to me, after you of course." I laughed, "so you like it?" he placed it down and gave me a hug, "I love it."

Then Jasper handed me the small box that I knew probably held jewellery. With shaky hands I grabbed the small box and opened it, inside was a beautiful thick silver banded ring with a flower/vine pattern engraved on it. I took it out of the box and realised that "Corrispondenti anima" was engraved on the inside of the band too, if I could cry I would. "Its an eternity ring, it was my mothers but I got in engraved, my father gave it to her before he left for service then she gave it to me before I left for service," Jasper said quietly.

I slipped the ring on my right middle finger, "it's beautiful Jasper," I said leaning in to kiss him. "Corrispondenti anima," I whispered before kissing him.

**Go check out "Insecurities" by JamesRamsey, one of first stories I read on here and definitely one of the best. AND its about to reach 3,000 reviews!!**

**Next Chapter at 165 reviews :D Review or I'll turn Jasper horribly gay (:**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews everybody :D I'm not sure if I reached 165 but I had this written up not long after the other went up and I couldnt wait any longer. Annd, I'm thinking there may be only a few more chapters left of this story. It may seemed rushed and such, it's not because Im completely bored of the story its more because of the time and I dont know when I'll update. Also I feel like there isnt much point in writing it because I dont think many people read it. I have another Jasper/Bella story in mind but I may not get that done for AGES. **

**I Dont own Twilight nor "Careful" by Paramore, although I did see them live :D**

**Chapter 13**

**You cant be too careful anymore, when that all that is waiting for you won't come any closer. You've got to reach out a little more. **

**P.S. I love you forever and today.**

It's funny how you can want everything, but nothing at the same time. Or how you can want completely different things. I guess it just comes down to what the people around you want, because really, we don't want we want we want what everyone else says you should want. But then there are the times where you want something you know you shouldn't have and you should just settle with the achievable. But that isn't how it goes.

For instance, I didn't want to go to a family event in another city where there was going to be other vampires. But I did want to be there for my family. Everyone said I should want to go because there will be a lot of powerful vampires that I could "absorb" powers from. I really wanted to get more powers but it felt wrong, but there was the attractive appeal of power. Which everybody wants.

Carlise insisted that I would be fine and that he knew most of the people that were going and that I wouldn't be found out about my power. It was then I realised I could indeed be very powerful, not just to me but the Guard. So the idea of me going to a place where I could easily take peoples powers frightened me just a little.

So thats why travelling to Seattle on March 17th in my Audi with Jasper I was driving very slow, slow for a human even. "Babe, what's the matter?" Jasper said placing a soothing hand on my leg. "Nothing," I said shaking my head. I sped up a little so that Jasper would forget it for now, he let it slide for now thank god.

"So what's the big dinner evening for?" I said without taking my eyes off the road. "One of Carlises' friends are engaged and are having an engagement party in Seattle before they continue on with their trip around the world," Jasper said changing the song. "Do I know them?" I said curiously.

"Don't think so, her name is Maggie, she's from Ireland. She's about in her early "twenties" with red hair," he said using quote marks. "Really, Ireland? That's cool. What's her fiance's name?" I said with interest. "Scott, he's really nice. He's a shapeshifter too, its pretty cool," he said without looking at me. "Oh, how many other people will be there with powers?" I said voice cracking.

"Oh well, Maggie can tell when one is lying, Siobhan can will things, Derrick can change the weather, Cassie can mimic noises-," he said ticking off on his fingers. "Stop, stop! I get it a lot of powerful people! Jasper what if-" I said stopping the car on the road. Jasper took my face in his hands and rested his forehead against mine. "Bella, I know you want to make everyone happy by learning new powers but you should only be trying to make yourself happy. We both know that the powers would be handy but no ones saying you have to take them."

I sighed, "I want to take them, but I'm scared of myself, and the Guard." Jasper chuckled and patted my shoulder, "baby, with those powers you could be the guard." I froze and stared at him, "honey I'm joking. The Guard may want you but if they have any idea what powers you have I doubt they will be coming anytime soon," Jasper said with a serene smile.

"That's true, thanks," I said pecking him on the lips. The rest of the drive to Seattle went smoothly with Jasper and I singing classic road trip songs and playing Zitch Dog. We had to take the long way around Forks and went through other small towns where we achieved a lot of glances for my Audi.

We arrived at the hotel after everybody else so we got the last room on the floor above both the Cullens' and the Denalis'. We said our goodbyes to the family and told them that we would see them at 5.30 in the reception room before we headed out to the "dinner" party. The "dinner" was just a guise for the humans, there would be appetisers and wine but it was up to everyone to slyly dispose of them all.

I had ordered a cobalt knee length dress that bunched up down the middle, it was simple but I liked it. I found some silver shoes to match so I was ready to go. After putting my hair down naturally I went out into the bedroom to see Jasper in a black tuxedo with cobalt vest and tie, the sight was breathtaking.

"Wow," was all I could say. Jasper chuckled and gave me a one armed hug. "You ready for this?" he said handing me my clutch. "As I'll be," I said nervously. Jasper placed a kiss on my temple and pulled me to the door, "everything will be fine, I promise."

I gave him a smile and got into the elevator to the lobby. I held his hand rubbing circles over the back humming to a song I'd long forgotten. We entered the lobby to see Rosalie in a long emerald halter kimono delicately patterned with gold and Emmett had matching green and gold vest with tie. Rosalie had her hair pulled up into a bun with green studded chopsticks and bright red lips and heavy dark eyes. She truly looked like a blonde geisha. Kate was wearing a deep purple wrap around one shouldered dress with a long slit up the right leg and matching bow heels. When I looked at Tanya and Irina my confidence dropped.

Tanya was wearing a gorgeous long scarlet dress with a cross over front and halter back, it wrapped around the hips and had a gap at the toes, and in the cleavage. With a beautiful beaded belt under the breasts. Irina next to her was a sight, she had a beautiful pink short dress with short sleeves and a drape of material that clung at the top and dropped over the middle black belt to the scrunched up bottom. They both looked unbelievably sexy.

Jasper squeezed my hair and gave me a small smile. Even Esme and Carmen had stepped up to the plate, Esme wearing a beautiful medium length black dress glittering with small jewels with no straps. All down the side were delicate ruffles making the dress impeccable. Carmen wearing a short silver dress with a scrunched up breast with a beaded middle and long flowing skirt bit.

"Who's ready to get their freak on?!" Emmett boomed earning him a slap on the back of the head. Everybody laughed and followed Carlise out to the limo rented for us, "still think we should've got a hummer stretch limo," Emmett muttered. When we got to the "dining hall" we were greeted by a short redhead in a black dress who introduced herself as Maggie giving us all hugs and kisses on the checks. She then showed us to her fiance Scott who gave hand shakes to the men and hugs and palm kisses to the women. "Hello, my name is Scott it is, how do you say it, pleasurable to make your acquaintances," he said with an Italian accent.

I could feel my insides humming at the overwhelming sense of power in the room, I closed my eyes and could see about ten people on the other side of the room on the other side of a brick wall. There was Scott, Maggie, who I assumed was Siobhan with her arm around Maggie, two blonde girls, a redhead woman, an older man, two twin brunette girls and a male. I started to break down the wall slowly with each person passing through and telling me their name and power, which I really wish they didn't do, I didn't want to know them. I felt bad enough as it is.

The three I knew came over first then there was blonde haired Cassie who mimicked me saying hi, Derrick the older man came over and made a sun shine, the two twins Ida and Lake who could conjured fire and ice, the brown haired male Connor who temporarily turned invisible, Sally the other blonde who called over a bird and spoke to it and lastly Dianna the redhead who kept erasing the last 5 seconds of meeting me. When I opened my eyes I gasped and shook my head, that was so much power, I doubt I'd ever use it. I was shaking just a little so I went and stood in the far corner with Jasper until I stopped.

"They are so powerful, it's so mindblowing," I said shaking my head. Jasper was watching me with a cautious stare, "watch this," I whispered. I held out my hand and focused on trying to make it invisible. After about three minutes my fingertips were starting to become see through. "Oh my God Bella, that's amazing. Who's it from?" he said looking around the room. "Connor," I said pointing to him who was now talking to Kate.

"Bella, how many more did you get?" Jasper said a little scared. "Jasper don't be afraid please, if I could I'd get rid of them all." Jasper took my hands in his, which were back to normal, "Bella, I don't care about the powers I'm just wondering what some people may do if they find out you copied their power." I sighed, "I know Jas, that's why I am going to not bring much attention to it."

"So, what else did you get?" Jasper said smiling. "Well, the ones you said earlier, fire and ice conjuring from Ida and Lake, speaking to animals from Sally, and amnesia from Dianne," I said pointing to each of them who was oblivious to me completely. "Wow, that's pretty cool Bella, try to look like me," Jasper said laughing. I looked deep into his eyes and focused on trying to change my hair the same dark sandy blonde as his, after four or so minutes Jasper laughed and picked up a strand which had blonde tips. "I guess I'll have to work on them," I said chuckling.

"You look much better brunette anyway," he said tucking it behind my ear while I willed my hair back to brown. I leant in to kiss Jasper when we were interrupted by Carlise and Eleazar coming over. "Hello Jasper, Bella what's the news?" Eleazar said getting straight to business. "Ten nifty new powers," I smiled. I held my hand and tried to imagine a fire ball but only my fingertips started to smoke. "Well, that was meant to be a fire ball," I laughed.

Well all laughed and started with general talk before breaking up and going to talk to everybody. I walked by Emmett interrogating Maggie. "...but, how do you know he's not actually a big old smelly Italian?" Maggie laughed, "well I can easily tell if he's lying, that simple." Emmett nodded and stroked his chin, "now I see what your saying, but what if he somehow found a way to confuse you?" Rosalie slapped him on the shoulder, "he's joking Maggie, I'm sorry."

At the same time Maggie and Emmett both said "No he's not," and "No I'm not," causing everyone to laugh. Jasper and I went to go talk to Dianna who was standing by herself near a window. When we approached her I held my hand out for her to shake, "Hi I'm Bella Swan from the Olympic Coven," I said smiling. "Sorry, I'm so rude sometimes, I'm Bella Swan form the Olympic Coven," I said apologising. "Excuse me, I must seem like a creep just standing here. I'm Bella Swan from the Olympic Coven," I said while Jasper was laughing and Dianna who was smirking.

"Ahh, I just got tricked by your amnesia didn't I?" I said smiling. "Yes I'm sorry, I'm Dianna Potential from Canada. Your a animal drinker too?" she said amazed. "Yep, it's nice to see another vegetarian around here," Jasper said handing out his hand. "Jasper Whitlock, Bella's boyfriend," he said grinning. "Your a very cute couple, how did you meet?" Dianna asked. Jasper and I froze, we had never discussed what we would say whenever asked this.

"I moved to Forks last year to finish my senior year at Forks High living with my father. I was his brothers', Edward, singer and I soon discovered what his family were and Edward and I went out for awhile but he left with my best friend Alice to work with the Guard," I said without letting any emotion out. "Oh, I'm so sorry Bella, you didn't have to tell me. Everybody has heard about Alice and Edward splitting, I should've assumed so very sorry," she said giving me a hug. I looked at Jasper and he nodded letting me know she was genuinely sorry. "It's fine, it's kinda how I got turned into a vampire too," I said shrugging.

We talked to Dianna for a awhile before exchanging numbers and going to mix with the rest of the party. By 1am it was "bedtime" so we all had to leave and go back to the hotel. When we got there and said goodnight to the rest of the family Jasper took me up to the roof to watch the stars. He lay down a blanket and a curled up to his side.

"You were very brave tonight Bella," Jasper said still looking up at the stars. "Oh, I think I'm over the whole power thing," I said shrugging. "No I meant, with Dianna," Jasper said looking me in the eyes. "Oh," was all I said.

"Bella, you are the bravest woman I know, not to mention smartest, beautifulest, inside and out, and most caring. You always think about everyone else before yourself and always know how to make me smile. You set me free and love me for who I am, scars and all. That's why I'm sorry to ask you to be imprisoned for all of existence, but Isabella Marie Swan will you do me the honour of being my wife?" Jasper said getting out a little blue box and looking me in the eyes.

I flung my arms around him, "yes, a thousand times yes!" I said kissing him. Here again with wants, when I was with Edward I told myself that I didn't want to be married because I thought I would end up like my mother and father but with Jasper I wanted to be his. I wanted completely different things but I had chosen the right one.

We broke apart and Jasper slid the ring on my left finger. It had a brilliant blue stone in the centre with a curved band studded with diamonds, it was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. "It's so amazing Jasper," I said leaning my forehead against his. "There's only one other thing that shines brighter Bella," Jasper said smiling. "Really, what's that?"

"You," he said kissing me. We spent the night on the roof top in silence just staring up at the stars waiting for the sun to come up, which an hour before it did we went down into the hotel to get our bags and leave. When we entered the lobby the family was already there smiling at us and before I could say anything Rosalie and Kate slammed into me giving me hugs.

"Come on let's see it!" Rosalie squealed. I held out my hand where all the women minus Tanya and Irina cooed over it. I look over at Jasper who I received many man hugs and slaps on the shoulders, I gave him a grin and mouthed I love you.

We all checked out and got into our cars and headed back home with Jasper driving this time. During the drive I tried to improve my new gifts. When I tried to make ice my hand got covered in a sheet of ice and it started to snow in the car causing us to have to pull over and clean it out. I didn't dare try fire. I mostly practiced invisibility and by the end of the trip I could make my whole arm invisible for five minutes. I mimicked Jasper whenever he sung causing us to laugh because I could make myself sound very deep, I could even mimic singers through the radio. Not that I didn't already sing pretty decent now.

Jasper also told me it wasn't a good idea to try and call any animals while in the car and I took his word for it. "You know, controlling the weather is a good power, once I'm no longer a newborn and we need to go in town for something I could just make it rain," I said smiling. Jasper kissed my head, "that's my little genius."

Jasper and I spent the next two months as usual with the exception with talk of the wedding, which Jasper told me could be whenever, no deadlines. Which was fine by me but we also had another silent agreement, we were going to wait for our honeymoon, so therefore it was decided that December 13th would be the date for the wedding. We decided the basic things, outdoor wedding, Eleazar being the minister, stuff like that.

Everybody except Jasper and I were going for a hunting trip further up north because Jasper and I went yesterday. I needed to go to the shops to pick up a wedding dress book this lady said I could borrow so I told Jasper I'd be back in an hour or so. I travelled down there and back just on the hour dot and parked by car in the drive. I froze immediately, I could smell a new vampire in the area.

Musk, cotton and sunflowers. A distantly familiar smell but there was something bad about it. I walked slowly up the steps and pushed open the ajar door and saw a face I thought I'd never see again. And I saw it just in time to see them putting their lips on my fiance. My stomach dropped, what was Alice doing in my home? She was the bad guy, and what was she doing kissing Jasper?

I let out a whimper and started to walk backwards out the door, Alice broke away giving me a sly grin. "Hello Bella, it's nice to see you again." I kept shaking my head telling me this wasn't happening. I felt like I needed to be crying, I wanted to cry so much. Jasper punched Alice sending her flying into a couch turning it over. "Bella I swear, I didn't."

I didn't hear the rest of what he said as I ran out the house into my car reversing the whole way down the drive seeing Jasper standing on the porch watching me with a heartbroken face. I saw Alice jump out through a side window and into the forrest laughing like mad.

My phone was ringing within seconds of turning out view of the house, knowing it was Jasper I let it go to message bank. I got my phone out of my bag and turned it off throwing it into the back seat sliding on the floor. I was shaking with sobs I couldn't cry, but I kept driving south. I pulled over once and got out $1000 from an ATM so they wouldn't see where I was going. I left my car about three blocks from the ATM taking my belongings and heading to Seattle on foot.

When I got there bought the first ticket to Italy and boarding the plane within the hour as I only had a carry on. The plane ride was nearly empty so it was easy to control my bloodlust, I guess all the training I'd had with Carlise worked out. Once the plane landed I bolted out the airport and got in a taxi still slightly shaking with anger and gave him directions. I changed the weather to cloudy and changed my eye colour to brown all my powers enhanced with my emotions. I barely took notice of this though because I could not focus properly.

What was Alice doing with my Jasper, why did he even let her in the house? But there was a small part of me saying that maybe she snuck in and surprised him but there was a bigger part of me that was so surprised and hurt that I didn't care.

"Wow, it got cloudy quick didn't it?" the cab driver said looking out the window. "Yeah it did." I paid the taxi driver and walked through the crowds of people gathering and instinctually knew my way. The more clean and deserted it got the closer I knew I was. I saw a hard dark door and pushed it open following the faint smell of musk and cotton knowing I was here.

I continued down a dark, dank tunnel until a burst of light shined through an archway. I walked straight past a receptionist and through two enormous doors opening up into an even bigger room with three chairs with three pasty vampires and a guard of people behind them including a Godlike face I had learnt to hate.

Edward was just like I imagined him but completely different. His eyes were no longer the colour of melted topaz but the colour of rubies, but they didn't sparkle with life they were dead. Empty. All humanity seemed to be drained from him. His skin had taken on the grey sunken pallor that the rest of the guards had taken, it looked horrible and painful. His face was creased at the frustration of not being able to cancel my mind even as a vampire, to which I couldn't help but internally chuckle at.

Some unconscious part of me lead me here, I don't want to be here, but I felt like I needed to be here. To find answers, an escape, something. I needed to clear my head and put my soul at rest.

"Bella darling, you are finally here," spoke the vampire with dark hair sitting in the middle chair I knew to be Aro. "Yes Aro I am here," I said grimly. Aro got up and walked over to me standing two feet in front of me, resting a hand on my cheek. "Such a beautiful soul, we're very happy to have you here in Volterra," he said smiling. "Wish I could say the same."

"Then why are you here Isabella?" he said sadly. "I wish to work with you," I said in a monotone.

**eh eh eh ;D 200 reviews would be nice but I wont harp because I just want to finish this story. **

**Check out Second Chances by aerialla1 I recently found it and I couldn't stop reading. It's Jasper/Bella (of course)**

**lub chu all. xo  
**


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